It's not about the house.

Monday, August 3, 2009

I Don't Like 'Em, I Tell You!

5:30ish a.m. Dreamed I finally had a real-life job again, one with regular hours and a regular paycheck, paid vacations and a real health plan and everything. Only I was supposed to start on Monday and today was Wednesday, and I hadn't shown my face there for a single minute yet because Something Really Bad happened and I had to go out of town. I was pretty sure my new boss would be nice and understanding and forgive me, what with the Really Bad Thing happening and all, until...

5:40 Woke with a start when I realized I hadn't even CALLED to say I wasn't coming!!! I lay in bed for a full five minutes, riding the electric bull that was my heart and trying to remember if I was really the sort of employee who wouldn't call (no), whether I even had a real job or not (no), whether Something Really Bad had really happened (well, yes, but not the Same Bad Thing as in the dream), and what dawning day this might actually be (Monday, although that took longer than the rest to figure out).

6:00 the time my alarm was set for. Yes, ladies and germs, despite all the Bad Things going on around here, I am actually sleeping again these days, so I'm letting myself sleep in a little bit. (Plus, among myriad Bad Things, there is this: my Project is Very Nearly Through! You know, my "Project"? The one I've been waking up early to work on since I was in my 30s?) But if there's one thing I hate more than rolling over to find an earwig on my pillow, it is rolling over to see only twenty minutes before the alarm goes off, no matter when it's set for. Although that last bit isn't true at all: pillow-earwigs are much worse. But still. Two hours early = good. Two hours late = even better! Twenty minutes early and I know what I should do is get up while I'm still bright-eyed, but what I do do is roll over and re-enter REM sleep just in time to hit the snooze for a half an hour so I can be groggy all day.

6:30 Decided to make a whole 12-cup pot of coffee, half for now and half to put in the fridge and drink iced later.

9:00 Realized I forgot to shut the coffeemaker off. My extra half-a-pot for icing now looks and smells like something that was overdue for draining out of Chuck (TFT).

9:30 Having worked-out diligently as per my New Resolve -- which was arrived at because one of my loved ones might have a need for one of my internal organs in a couple months* and I learned recently that they don't harvest pre-owned guts from living fatties -- I discovered that, on Day Three of New Resolve, I've actually gained a half a pound.

*(yes, this is related to the Something Bad that happened; and no, I'm not going to tell you what)

9:45 Had to change t-shirts three times because the first two smelled like feet. Understand, now, why Johnny insists on washing his socks in hot water.

10:00 House phone rang when I was halfway out the door. I didn't answer it, but I stood and listened to my Lady (#2, not the one with the Evil Cat) tell my answering machine that the results of the biopsy are in, she has stage 1 breast cancer, and she asked the Doctor for a full report on what to expect if she does nothing about it. So there's that.

10:00 The apple I grabbed for breakfast on my way out the door (see above, re: New Resolve) is not only brown in the middle but I'm pretty sure I ate a worm. Correction: half a worm.

10:20 Having debated for the whole four hours I've been awake whether I should walk the mile to the T in 85-degree sort-of heat and 77% no-shit humidity, or drive Chuck (TFT) all the way into town, I decide to walk. Because the $4 I would have to feed a meter is all I have to last me until Thursday, and also because (see above again, re: Stupid New Resolve.)

10:45 Having walked the mile and sweated through my (at least not foot-smelling) t-shirt, I remembered -- when the automatic turnstyle failed to let me through -- that I lent my pre-paid T card to Johnny last week and never got it back. How much is T-fare without one? Why, coincidentally, it's $2. Each way.

1:00 p.m. When I see My Lady #2 (not the one with the boob-tumor, but the one with the Evil Cat) she tells me there are men weatherproofing the windows in her house and maybe it would be best if I just didn't work for her this week. Yay! In exchange, she says, she won't pay me for taking care of Evil Cat when she goes to the Vineyard in September. Boo.

3:00 Home again. Thanks to my New Resolve, I can't even have a teeny tiny itsy bitsy little drink. So instead I am relaxing with a nice cold cup o' three-hours-on-the-burner sludge.

Found this dude on the floor a couple days ago
and was waiting for the perfect moment to deploy him.
Are we all agreement that it's now?


12ontheinside said...

What a shitty day you've had, and you can't even make it feel slightly better with alcohol? Yikes.
Sorry about the something bad and I hope your lady #2 is successfully treated.
There's fewer calories in vodka if that helps.

12ontheinside said...

Yes, I am still looking at stupid videos from your last post. Check this one out. Made me laugh, and I thought you could do with one of those (laugh, that is).

LadyCiani said...

I am sending good karma your way ... and hugs, many hugs.

Sashimi said...

Sincerely hope you get up two hours before or two hours after your alarm goes off tomorrow morning.

kate said...

What a crummy day. I hope today is not a day that merits a picture of a belly-up mouse!

jen said...

Hey. I suck as a bloggy friend. I know. Don't worry. I suck as a real friend too. No one's getting one upped.
But, now there is SHIT that I need to pray about (I assure you, I am a fairly great prayer...I have beads n everything) I will be praying.
here's what for: Resolves and that Very Bad Things will at least turn into Shit You Can Handle. And, I'll say "shit" to God cuz he knows I say it all the time. He also knows I say Fuck, too. Onnacount I say IT allthetime as well.
I hold you in my heart for reals.

beardonaut said...

Agreed. Now.

And that day sucked even worse than The Bad Days I've been having lately. My sympathies.

ege said...

12 -- HA!! Oh, man, it actually took me until "prostitute" to realize it was a spoof! Thanks, I needed that!

Lady -- Hey, long time! Thanks for karma and hugs. You're looking for a house these days? I'll send some your way, too -- lord knows you're going to need them worse than me!

Sashimi -- Actually, I was forty minutes early this morning -- but that's still better than twenty so you must be doing something right! (It's a long way for magic to travel, after all, no wonder it got diluted.)

Kate -- Hi! Welcome! I'm not usually this much of a downer! I looked at your profile and want to tell you I have tattoos, too! But yours are probably cooler...

Jen -- Oh my god! As if I haven't already used up my daily allotment of exclamation points! If there is anyone on the planet I would want praying for me, it's you -- because I know you'll testify in my language. Say hi to Smoochy Church Boy for me.

Beardo -- Yeah, but at least I don't have to wrestle with The Headache. (And now I'm off to knock wood and bite my tongue and scratch my ass...)