It's not about the house.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Offal I Can't Refuse

The news this week is brought to you by Sara over at Lovely Listing. Only not really. Not in the sense that she gave me any money, or asked me to mention her, or even knows who I am or has ever read The House and I. For all I know, she’s a member of some vast right-wing conspiracy and wishes I would go step on more frogs so she can out me for the plague-wrecker I am. But she’s my new favorite blog, so I’ll talk about her till they come make me stop!

See, what she does, is: she takes photos from real estate listings -- really ridiculous photos of strange rooms and odd angles -- and gives them these little captions that make you laugh and laugh. Go there! Now! Look! Read!

(For future reference, she is in my blogroll under the name “My Listing-Lover.”)

(For past and present reference, those of you who’ve been in my blogroll for a while, you are now all called “My Something-Lovers.”)

(For search-engine reference: this is not a sex thing – although I wouldn’t mind a couple thousand of those porny hits.)

Now, on to the news of the week:

I know it will shock you to discover that I'm featuring an item this week that affects only me – well, me and 54,000 other folks, but I don’t give a holy hoo about any of them. It comes from Sunday’s Boston Globe, the South Shore Section, and there is no link. I had to type this. So I took the liberty of adding editorial comments. I also re-paragraphed it a little to make it easier to read in this format. Here goes:

TOWNVILLE [where I live] —

Residents don’t have to sort their recycling anymore.
[can I have a HOLLA!!]. Glass, plastic, cans, paper, and cardboard can all go in the same recycling container [I’d throw in that final comma, too, but that’s just me]. And residents no longer need to use a special recycling container, but can throw everything in a regular trash barrel [oh my god, I think I’m hyperventilating], which they mark with a recycling label provided by the Department of Public Works [oh, crap, so I can’t just chuck it in the bin with the regular trash? Balls].

The change to “single stream” recycling [meaning: we take it down the road and dump it in the River, so why get your hands dirty?] started this month when the town switched its waste disposal contractor to Capitol Waste Services for curbside collection [why not Capital Waste Services, I wonder? Ah well, if anybody googles them and finds anything bad, I don’t want to know about it. Hear?].

“We anticipate increased recycling [erm, you mean I could have been not doing it all along, using sorting as an excuse? Balls!] and increased recycling revenue [lemme hear you say “tax cut!” and then we’ll talk], just because this is easier [you know what would have been really easy? A little notice in the mail, or a door tag, or something. Who the hell reads the Globe South section? Besides me, I mean.],” said DPW director Robert O’Connor.

Among the items that can’t be recycled through the program are plastic bags, fabric, foam packaging and Styrofoam, aerosol cans, and food waste
[so what you’re saying is: you haven’t invented any new technologies or anything. Got it. But, um, while we’re at it, can we get a ruling on used tin foil? It’s been a point of contention at the AssVac for a while.]. More information [blah, blah, blah]…

Okay, this is me again. And you might want to stand back and block your ears, people, because I’m fixin’ to shout…


This doesn’t change much in terms of my actual daily life, of course. I may not have to separate the paper from the cans, but I do still have to pick out the stryofoam when Johnny throws it in there (and maybe used tin foil), and I do still have to keep it all apart from the cigarette butts and the cat poo. Although you really ought to be able to recycle cat poo, don’t you think? I know a dog or two who have a few ideas in this department, if the DPW is interested…

But if you’ve known me for a while, you know how much I hate recycling. (Don’t remember? You can read an oldy but particularly Goody post right here.) I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it, so every little bit of my not having to do it counts. In fact, I’m having tiny little lazy-orgasms right now, just at the idea that I could go get a Rubbermaid-type bin with a decent lid to keep the rain out, slap one of those whatchacallit stickers on it, keep it outside with the regular trash barrels, and never again have to keep two weeks’ worth of trash inside my house!

I think I need a tiny little cigarette.

Of course, though, that would mean walking outside with every box and can, instead of just to the back hall. Which would probably mean some sort of temporary transfer bin. Which would inevitably become my job to empty. Just like the disgusting, smelly, fruit-fly-laden compost guck. Which was also decidedly not my bright idea. And for which I’ve also been scolded (I throw eggshells in the trash can, so?). And which I therefore also hate.

Hey, Capitol Waste Services! Can we get a ruling on the worm-food? Preferably before Johnny and I turn each other into it?

Thanks so much!

Happy News Tuesday, everybody!


su said...

I have 2 things to say.... First.. do NOT throw the aerosol cans into the chiminea..LOL Been there
Second...I think aluminum foil would be included if cans are. And wahoo for you. At least they pick yours up. I have to go to the transfer station and deal with all of the recycling Nazis there who inspect my trash and charge me extra bits for "exotic items" Now them is hateable!

Leslie said...

We just got a ginormous heavy big-wheeled thick-lidded "toss all your recycleables in here and don't worry your pretty little head about separating them" bin delivered just this very morning. No food scraps, plastic bags or tin foil allowed, though.

But as you probably remember, in our home, I'm on Johnny's side, a hard-core recycler even though not only is it not required here, we actually have to PAY for curbside pickup and the honor of using that bright blue & yellow monster bin that they just delivered.

Plus, much to V's dismay, I'm also now composting which means we're keeping a bin of food scraps on the counter.

LadyCiani said...

I grew up recycling, so it's second nature. splorp! gamely plays along, but he's hit and miss - he's more likely to throw out the cardboard and recycle the Styrofoam and plastic bags. Our apartment has daily trash pick up, and recycling pick-up Mon - Thurs, but do we manage to get it out there before the blue the bins overflow Thursday night? Not so much.

Thanks for sharing the new blog. I took a quick look and think I may die laughing!

amanda said...

Hmm, I must be lucky, here in Down Under we have had kerbside recycling in a big wheely bin for years - I've had one for at least 10 years. All included in our council rates.

PS Not all kerbside recycling services do recycle tin foil. You'll have to ring them and ask them.

amanda said...

Had to come back to say I went and looked at the blog you linked to. And almost wet my pants laughing.

Daisy said...

We pay for trash pick up here in Stinkfield and have to recycle in that little tiny mini blue bin; that they only pick up every two weeks. And then they pick thru your trash and recycle and throw what they decide they don't want back on your treebelt or street. I admit, I am not the best recycler anymore with the pickiness that happens. Last year they refused to pick up our yard waste because the grass clippings were "too dirty". I asked how they thought I should wash them? I was met with silence on the phone...And waited two more weeks for them to pick up the maggot ridden waste. Now,most yard waste goes in a black trash bag in the regular trash. Problem solved! Not playing that game for $2300 in taxes a year for a 50x100 lot, a school system I refused to use, in the high end of the ghetto!

That real estate site is hilarious!

su said...

I bow from the "waste." The official Alcoa site says this

Can you recycle aluminum foil?
We haven't perfected a process that will clean, purify and melt household foil efficiently... yet.

Hmmm guess not

Anonymous said...

Re cycling has become a part of our life, and to the better must say. all my garbage of scraps of vegies and the old egg shells go onto the vege patch, and are eventaully dug in.
Makes great compost to grow some new ones.
I am down under and we have had this for years, and it certainly helps to have the color coded lidded bins.

Foil of course is like nappies, and has to be handled very carefully. Hope we can all learn to do our recycling in a proper manner from now on.