My silly news service tells me that this is going to be one of the big toy sellers this Christmas season:
Her name is Baby Born With Magic Potty, she comes in all kinds of different colors, just like people, and she really pees and poos. Just like, well, you know.
I have no problem with this. I am aching to say that I think it's really weird anyone would want a doll that pees and poos, but I have no right, because I really wanted one when I was little. And that is how I know that this part of the article ain't true:
"Launched in 1991, the crying, potty-going doll was the first to boast 'human functions.'"
Not true! False! It may have been launched in 1991, but if so then she was not the first. Because by 1991 I was 22 years old and had long outgrown my fascination with things potty (what? I said I had. It grew back since then, but I had), so the one I wanted must have been around whole decades earlier.
She was called Baby Alive, and if you fed her applesauce it would come out in her diaper, and my friend Dusty Lee had one. Dusty Lee was so cool. As if you can't tell by her name. That was her first name -- Dusty Lee -- and she refused to let it be abbreviated. You couldn't call her Dusty, or Lee, or whatever her last name was (I forget her last name, because we always called her mother Mrs. Nuts. She kind of was, a little bit, but the name came from the Mr. Peanut watch she always wore. Anyway...)
Dusty Lee had Baby Alive, and we fed it applesauce and it came out in the diaper, and then we went and played with something else, and when we came back there were ants crawling all through Baby Alive!!!! In her mouth, through all however-many feet of her pretend intestine, and out her diaper hole. It was creepy.
And that's how I know I can no longer trust metro.co.uk Weird News Service. Which is too bad, because the next story is about a Roumanian cart-horse getting arrested for driving drunk. I happen to know the legal blood alcohol limit in Roumania is zero.
So he probably only had, like, one light beer.
