It's not about the house.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Free Toys! Who Wants 'Em?


Sorry Leslie!

Spring has sprung at the AssVac. Willows are pussying, daffos are dilling, and a not-so-young man's fancy has turned to thoughts of... well, to be honest, mostly beer and baseball.

What do you expect? He is Irish, and this is Boston, after all.

Now, it just so happens I got another rent check from the very nice ad people who moved into the corner of The House and I last fall. Feeling a little spring in my step, and figuring I'd give you-all something fun to do while I bore myself stupid in the cabinets, I took that check down to my favorite neighborhood toy store and cashed it in for a sack o' springy toys.

Spring-related toys, that is. Not toys that are actually made from springs. Those would be dangerous. And you know how I'm all about the safety.

You wanna see what I got? Okay, hang on.

Uh oh.

Wut's innit, momma?

Nothing. You go away.

But... wut's...


Nothing! Now shoo!

Sorry about that. Okay, now: See?


And all you have to do to get them for your very own, is...

Give this rat a name!

(For those of you who missed my morning post, you may want to scroll down a bit for the back story on this one. Everybody with me now? Okay.)

Some ground rules:

1. His name will not be Ben. Or Ratatouille. Or Fievel. He will not, in fact, be named after any famous member of the order Rodentia. Mickey. Jerry. Pinky. Rumsfeld. All too unoriginal. Don't waste your vote.

2. I see no reason to limit this to one per customer. Go ahead and enter as often as you like.

3. I choose the winner. Me. Based on my own personal judging system. (Hint: I think funny things are funny. Double-hint: Me likey to make with the obscure reference.)

3.a. If two people say the same thing, the first sayer of it wins. Doy.

4. When should we leave the contest open till? Since I'm only putting it up at 4:00, and since I can just see you all bolting up in bed tonight, yelling "Mortimer!" and scaring your husbands half to death (or wives; some of you have wives) (or just yourselves; some of you tend to do that), and since some of you live in places where time does not make any sense at all and they say silly things like "billabong," I feel it behooves me to leave the contest open until noon tomorrow my time. Except I won't be home at noon tomorrow. So it is hereby officially declared: Open Until I Get Home From Work Tomorrow, Whatever Time That Is.

And that's it! Put your rat-bun name suggestions in the comments, I pick my favorite, and whoever said it first gets this sack o' toys.

And maybe also one really stupid cat.


Amalie said...

My random votes are Rorschach, as that seems to be all over the news lately...

Sniffles, seeing as how everyone's had 'em...

Nostradamus, 'cause, well, crazy.

And I know you say no naming after Rats, but I still would like to put in a plug for Nicodemus. I love the Secret of Nimh.

Anonymous said...

逗人喜愛的小的 鼠
It's up to you to figure it out!!!!


LadyCiani said...

For a rat .. Piper, as in "Pied Piper" leading the rats out of town.

But it looks like a mouse ... so you get mouse names, too.

Algernon (Flowers for Algernon)

Biscuit ('Cause he's edible)

Willie (Steamboat)

Anonymous said...

How about Cagney??
You know "You dirty rat!!!"


Anonymous said...

Eugene, it's a natural. Send me the toys!!!!!!


Jen said...

Billy S.
'cause rats caused the feas, that caused the plague, which caused all the death, which some believe caused a lot of the darkness in Shakespeare's work.

theotherbear said...


Because Kenny Loggins, who sang footloose, was born in the year of the rat.

So was I actually, so you can call it Amanda if you like. I won't be offended, rats are a highly respected zodiac sign.

Charlie said...

The Brain --- Then brother can be Pinky

theotherbear said...

You could always call it Roger. After Roger the Shrubber from Monty Python's Holy Grail.

Well of course there's a connection. There's a line in the movie that mentions pestilence. And we all know rats bring pestilence.

Jen said...

What about Wilbur, cause it does look like a pig with a long tail....
or Ham maybe?

Jean Martha said...


Get it?

Daisy said...

Rattus norvegicus- was he created in a laboratory of sorts?

k four said...

OK, here goes-

Mr Do



Cherry Pie

Joanne said...


After Jaak Panksepp, the scientist who discovered that rats laugh when you tickle them. (Okay, he is one of two scientists, but the other one is named Jeff, which is kind of a boring name for a rat.)

su said...

I say Rhonda after the rat that Sean brought home one vacation.

Khurston said...

Bubby (you know, the plague)
Chaz (just like the sound of it)
Verbal (he ain't no rat)
Enrico Pollini (look it up)

Jean Martha said...

I'm amendng Su-EE to:

Sue Lee

Say it real you're calling a pig out of a penn. And Lee, cause it's a common chinese last name.

Anonymous said...

1) Ike

2) Willard (because it's also my maiden name)

Anonymous said...

Ima Noddarhat


Ima Swhyn

ps Thats a pig

Sparkle Plenty said...

Dean Martin

But, I'm working on others.

Janice said...

umm, Der Tea Rat?

Sparkle Plenty said...

1) The Mexican Pet (Lily suggested this one)
2) Bishop Hatto
3) Rizzo
4) Johnny "Two Pellets" Excreta
(this one is obscure, poopy, and ooky)
5) Mr. Nibbles

(Sorry if this posts twice!)

Anonymous said...

Recherche Y. Crumbsnatcher

P.S. Imagine an accent over the final e in Recherche. Also Y. stands for Yersinia

Anonymous said...

P.S. I sorta stole Yersina from Khurston, so when I win she can have partical credit.
But I still get all the toys!

Anonymous said...

If he's a rat, his name is Eli. Most Vile Person

Leslie said...

Ok, not reading anyone else's.

Maul (actually my original was Ratte duMaul, but that seems a little obsessive)






Lily (as in Tomlin, "trouble with the rat race is that even if you win you're still a rat")

Leslie said...

Freakin' duh. I thought this was posted yesterday and open until noon today. That's me, always a day late and a dollar short.

I still like Maul (Maul Rat?)