It's not about the house.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

A Feather Will Do Well For Such a Shift

Someone recently reminded me of the therapeutic, life-altering value of turning misery into a funny story. And no, it wasn’t this guy:

Although, you know, bully for him. May he do whatever it is politicians from Minnesota do (besides get beat by wrestlers and other show-biz types), and may I be the last to make a Stuart Smalley joke at his expense. Even if Stuart Smalley himself knows I won't be.

It wasn’t this guy, either:

My Vanity Fair did arrive minutes afterwards, however, so it’s possible to make the argument that this time, at least, ol' Mavericky could have been a real contender. It would be specious, of course, but possible. (No, no, Sarah. I said specious, not spacious. It’s okay, you can have somebody look it up. Ooh, and ask them to read you the difference between “quitting” and “not quitting” while you’re at it, okay? Good.)

And since I seem to be on a theme here of week-old political humor, I might as well go ahead and point out that it wasn’t this guy either:

But good on you, sir. Not since “going postal” have I so enjoyed watching a colloquialism take shape before my eyes. Now shoo. Go hike yourself the Appalachian Trail.

And last but not least, It wasn't this guy:

He's too dumb to know that just because he can see the coffee through the plastic cup, doesn't mean he can get his face in there to taste it. He sure as heck wouldn't have anything to offer in the way of life-lessons -- at least none that don't involve killing things or reproducing. Hm. Maybe I should change his name to Maverick.

Anyhoodles, it was this guy:

He says I've been narky lately. And he says he knows I have good reasons, but he's getting fed up, and if I don't snap out of it he might just go home to Ireland for a couple weeks and leave me here to be narky at the walls. This frightened me, because one of the myriad things I'm narky about these days is money, and although for one second I thought to myself "Ha. You probably aren't capable of booking your own ticket!," I then remembered that he actually traveled a whole lot before we met (another thing I'm narky about is having to do everything around here; which maybe I could loosen up on a little bit), and he now had his very own American Express Card.

AmEx ain't like Visa, where you can charge it and pay two cents every thirty days until you die. And it ain't like cash, where you have to have it now. AmEx is a promise that you're gonna have it next month, which we won't.

Honey! I love you! I'm sorry! I'm not narky anymore! Look, I'm going in my office right this second to write a funny story about misery!

But first I'm going over here and ask QC a question, because I've been waiting two years to read her freaking book.


Sparkle Plenty said...

"Go hike yourself the Appalachian Trail." Bwah ha ha! Y'know, that fellow's awol was so supremely bassackwards it kind of blew my mind. It's like he skipped politician school on the day they covered adultery and subterfuge.

Oh, cool! Ask Quinn C. a question! I, too, am looking forward to reading her book. I'm looking forward to reading your book, too. Finish it up so I can do so, okay?

(Big shout-out to the person who reminded you of the therapeutic life-altering value of turning misery into a funny story. Very true.)

Robert said...

I needed google to help me with the title of your post, but well-played!

beardonaut said...

"narky" is the best new English word I've picked up in a long, long time.

And that whole Palin thing...just goes to show that the woman is just as crazy as we all thought she was.

Yes, yes, we do keep track of American politics over here. After all, if we didn't, you people would come over and bomb us back to the Stone Age ;)

ege said...

Sparkle -- Hee hee. Politician school. Now I'm going back to work!

Okay not now. First this.

Robert -- Thanks for going to the effort! I must say I was rather chuffed at it myself.

Beardo -- See? I'll tell Johnny I'm not narky, I'm educational.
PS Bomb Sweden? Back to the Stone Age? Remind me: are you the ones in clogs, the ones in hats with horns on them, or the ones who build your roads around elf-houses? ;)

Mommy With a Penis said...

I came here through Quinn's blog. You're a very funny lady. It's nice to get mileage out of political pop culture. Cheers

ege said...

Thanks, Mommy! And your penis!

beardonaut said...

We're the ones with the Alps and cuckoo clocks and chocolate. No...wait...