It's not about the house.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Now Be Off, or I'll Kick You Downstairs

I think I have some sort of degenerative neurological condition. I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but I'm fairly certain that's what's going wrong.

It seems that I've misplaced my sunglasses.

I've misplaced my sunglasses, I can't remember why I got up from my computer and went into the dining room, and I don't know what happened to that little green plate after I took it out of the cupboard and decided not to use it after all.

Seriously, where did that plate go? It's not back in the cupboard, it's not on the counter, and it isn't in the sink. I didn't use it -- it was way too small to be a lid for that glass bowl I was steaming pudding in -- and it isn't in the fridge with butter on it, either. It's not even absent-mindedly tucked in a drawer or anything. It is just gone.

Also, I must have stepped over that empty box on the living room floor a dozen times yesterday. I left it there on purpose, so that I would not forget. And it worked, after a fashion. I mean, every single time I stepped over it I thought to myself "Right. Must pack that box and send it off to Ireland." But then every single time, as soon as the box was behind me instead of in front of (or under) me, the thought went poof -- out of my head. The card that I intend to put inside it is right here on my desk, though. Still blank, of course, but right here at my fingertips. So, you know, there's no way I can possibly forget.

Meanwhile, I'm going away for a few days. Just down to Dr. One Friend's, to take care of her dog while she does Big Important Work Things at an ooh-la-la Resort. I'm leaving in two hours, and I haven't packed yet. The empty suitcase was on the floor of my bedroom all day yesterday. Stepped over that one fifteen times, as well, until I had the bright idea to pick it up and put it on my bed. No way I could forget about it if it was staring at me from my pillow. I did have to move it back to its place on the floor, though, when it came time to lie down.

So you see? There's something wrong inside my brain. I'm no neurologist, but I think it's an inner ear thing. I think it has something to do with the fact that the earth, no matter how I rail against it, insists on perpetually spinning on its axis and circling the sun. Messing up my equilibrium. Or something.

If only I could make it stop, I'm certain I'd be able to find that plate.

Aha! So there you are, you little bastard!

Apparently, I did use the goddamn thing, after all.


Ladyscot said...

Welcome to the "senior moments" club!! I've had a similar affliction for some time now - and it's not getting any better!.

12ontheinside said...

I think I've got that too. I thought I'd run out of laundry detergent the other day. I found it later, in the fridge. Of course.

beardonaut said...

The condition is called "being human".

beardonaut said...

And 12ontheinside: that was one of the funniest comments I've read in a really long time.

Glenda said...

I call it getting old and going through menopause. It happens to me daily. So, my dear your not the only cracking up.


Audrey said...

Welcome to my world. Which I would be happy to leave if only I could find my bloody keys.

pork luck said...

heheheehheeee... you make me giggle

cake said...

I put the coffee cream away the other day and then couldn't find it a few hours later...

...cuz it was in the microwave.

Welcome to the club!

A co-worker calls it "Einstein Moments" know, we're all so busy thinking important, smart thoughts that we can't remember the little details. I don't know about you but I like that theory!