It's not about the house.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Chuck's On Blocks...

... and on blocks he shall remain until the morrow. Something about the bolts being the wrong bolts, or the holes being the wrong holes, and George having spent four hours here tonight only to have go back to the Chuck-part store then come back here again and have another go.

Poor George. What in our wicked, miserable past did we ever do to deserve a friend like him? Jeebers, it just occurred to me: maybe we should cut all contact with him, in the interest of the hardworking bastard's own well-being. D'ya think? Ah well, we'll wait till this job is done and the man's been paid for it at least.

In the meantime, Johnny would like you all to notice the nice shiny new brake plates on that eviscerated tire. And he'd like to reassure you that it is not the five-gallon plastic bucket that is holding the car up, but rather the red triangle jack-stand right behind it.

I'll give you a thousand dollars if you go kick the jack-stand out.

Oh no, wait. I don't have a thousand dollars. Well, then name your price. Buttons? Dust? Cat litter? What do we actually have around the AssVac that might tempt you to commit a decidedly non-random act of solicited destruction?

Disclaimer: This is the part where you understand without my having to say so that I don't really want anyone trespassing in our (or, I should say, Johnny's) lovely garden and beating hell out of our truck. That there is my job. If any of you buggers do decide that your life would not be worth living without another wad of dryer lint to add to your collection, and you do come after we fall asleep (by 10:30 p.m. most nights) to the AssVac (at 10050 Cielo Drive) and lay so much as a (20lb ought to do it) sledgehammer on the '96 Plymouth Voyager with Massachusetts plates (23SKIDU) that's up on jack-stands in the driveway, I will have you prosecuted to the full extent of the law. And punishment for willful and malicious destruction of property is based, I believe, on the monetary value of the property destroyed.

So you'd only have to give the dryer lint right back.

1 comment:

Khurston said...

10050 Cielo Drive. snork. dang, though, reminds me there was a roman polanski documentary on hbo last night and i forgot to tivo it.