One More For The Road

I forgot about a request from List Week! Donna wanted to know what the best-selling books would be in 20 years, and what they'd be about. So herewith:

What the Best-Selling Books Will Be In 20 Years, And What They'll Be About

I should explain that, in the future (and probably not in the twenty-year future, either, if I have anything to say about it), there will only be a handful of best-selling "authors." All the actual writing will be done in a factory like Andy Warhol's and published under the proven names, regardless of whether or not the original nameholders in question have gone round the bend or died. Or ever actually existed in the first place.

Now then:

1. How "You Are Old, Father William" Cured My Crippling Halitosis
By Erin Ellia
The trick is to stand on your head while reciting. Seven times a day.
"Shhh!" -- Kevin Trudeau

2. Oonmay Alfcay
By Erin Ellia
A coming-of-age novel written entirely in pig latin.
"Ittyway!" -- Entertainment Weekly.

3. How to Lose Friends and Irritate People
By Erin Ellia
Practical advice for the feeble-minded misanthrope.
"Annoying!" -- Bill O'Reilly's Ghost

4. Whither Pumbaa?
By Erin Ellia
An allegorical novel about the nature of mankind. With recipes.
"Stupid!" -- My High School English Teacher

5. Everybody's Poop, or: All I Really Need To Know I Learned From the AssVac
By Erin Ellia
A collection of ravings from a sad and obviously deeply bothered mind.
"Cease!" -- Taro Gomi
"Desist!" -- the estate of Robert Fulghum