Here's Mud In Your Eye

Oh, man. I'm so sorry. This is one of those questions. I've read it already, and now I can't even think of anything pithy to start off the post, so let's just just get it over with, shall we?

The game is called Zobmondo and you can buy it here, and if you're going to play you have to (I'm sorry) choose, you can't say "neither" or make up a third option.

Sigh.

Gather round.

WAIT A SECOND!!!

This is my blog, right? My game (sort of)? And my rules?

Well then I say we don't have to answer every question! I say we get to skip the disgusting ones (would you rather dive into sewage or maggots? My ass! Neither!), and the boring ones (be named Dick Hertz or Ben Dover? Feh! Either!), and the stupid ones (buy only used furniture or only used vehicles -- hello, hi, have we met? Both!). I say we get to answer just the ones that tickle our collective fancy. And since y'all don't get to see the cards, that means it's up to me to choose on your behalf.

Ready? Okay!

Gather 'round!

The category is food ingestion, and the question is:

Would you rather drink a glass of three-day-old aquarium water -- OR -- water from a toilet bowl that has been flushed?

Hey, I never said the ones I chose wouldn't be disgusting. I settled on this one because I thought it would be easy.

We had an aquarium when we were little. We had an aquarium loonngg after we had any fish left in it. At least, I think there weren't any fish left. It was a little hard to see the inside through the sludge that I have to assume was something very akin to primordial ooze. Maybe, if we could have seen the contents, we'd find we had convergently evolved ourselves a coelacanth!

(D'ya like me big words? I wuz a bio major! Had to look up how to spell coelacanth, though. I always did want it to be spelled coelo.)

Anyway, when I read this question, the first thing I pictured was that tank, and the last surviving catfish who tried so valiantly to keep up with the housekeeping. He failed -- there's none who wouldn't. in his place, but there's none who could've possibly tried harder -- and the tank descended into a pit of black-green stinking death. Or life, I suppose. Technically, no matter what it smells like, algae is officially alive. At least it was when I was hangovering my way through all those bio classes. Hang on, let me check... Yup. Still considered an "organism," which still means "living creature, even if it never does anything but reproduce, and smells like dirty socks steeped in rotten-breath juice." Phew!

You never know with these things. Like, when I was in school, wolves couldn't mate with dogs because they were two different species. Now, apparently, they're the same species and they can. I don't mind the species re-classification so much as I dread the day the "designer dog" people catch wind of the change. They'll cross a wolf with a wolfhound and end up with a twelve-foot shaggadoo that spends its whole pathetic life trying to rip its own throat out, until finally it gives itself a case of terminal whiplash and dies of starvation because it keeps falling over sideways when it tries to put its head down in the bowl.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

I picked this question because it seemed easy: compared to that aquarium, a recently-flushed toilet is a breath of fresh air (assuming it's a clean toilet, which it doesn't say it's not). But then I noticed that it says "three-day old aquarium water." And I have no idea what three-day old aquarium water looks like. I guess we have to assume there are fish in it, and that they're being fed. How much doo do fishes do? And does this hypothetical aquarium have a filter in it? I think it probably does, otherwise it would be called a fishtank (I just made that distinction up, but I'm going to stand by it).

So the real question is: would I rather drink something that contains filtered but decidedly present remnants of Poecilia reticulata (look it up), or something that has little more than a recent memory of the distinctly human kind?

Hmmm.

I suppose I'd rather drink a memory.

It would be a nice change of pace, considering how usually I'm drinking to forget.



Oh, and we also won't be pondering the next question, which is: "after deciding you don't want to marry Mr. Big Bucks beacuse he was cheating, would you rather give him back his three-carat ring -- OR -- keep it so you can sell it later?"

We won't be pondering because there is only one right answer, and that is: you would RATHER keep it, but you WOULD give it back. End of discussion.