It's not about the house.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Here's Mud In Your Eye

Oh, man. I'm so sorry. This is one of those questions. I've read it already, and now I can't even think of anything pithy to start off the post, so let's just just get it over with, shall we?

The game is called Zobmondo and you can buy it here, and if you're going to play you have to (I'm sorry) choose, you can't say "neither" or make up a third option.


Gather round.


This is my blog, right? My game (sort of)? And my rules?

Well then I say we don't have to answer every question! I say we get to skip the disgusting ones (would you rather dive into sewage or maggots? My ass! Neither!), and the boring ones (be named Dick Hertz or Ben Dover? Feh! Either!), and the stupid ones (buy only used furniture or only used vehicles -- hello, hi, have we met? Both!). I say we get to answer just the ones that tickle our collective fancy. And since y'all don't get to see the cards, that means it's up to me to choose on your behalf.

Ready? Okay!

Gather 'round!

The category is food ingestion, and the question is:

Would you rather drink a glass of three-day-old aquarium water -- OR -- water from a toilet bowl that has been flushed?

Hey, I never said the ones I chose wouldn't be disgusting. I settled on this one because I thought it would be easy.

We had an aquarium when we were little. We had an aquarium loonngg after we had any fish left in it. At least, I think there weren't any fish left. It was a little hard to see the inside through the sludge that I have to assume was something very akin to primordial ooze. Maybe, if we could have seen the contents, we'd find we had convergently evolved ourselves a coelacanth!

(D'ya like me big words? I wuz a bio major! Had to look up how to spell coelacanth, though. I always did want it to be spelled coelo.)

Anyway, when I read this question, the first thing I pictured was that tank, and the last surviving catfish who tried so valiantly to keep up with the housekeeping. He failed -- there's none who wouldn't. in his place, but there's none who could've possibly tried harder -- and the tank descended into a pit of black-green stinking death. Or life, I suppose. Technically, no matter what it smells like, algae is officially alive. At least it was when I was hangovering my way through all those bio classes. Hang on, let me check... Yup. Still considered an "organism," which still means "living creature, even if it never does anything but reproduce, and smells like dirty socks steeped in rotten-breath juice." Phew!

You never know with these things. Like, when I was in school, wolves couldn't mate with dogs because they were two different species. Now, apparently, they're the same species and they can. I don't mind the species re-classification so much as I dread the day the "designer dog" people catch wind of the change. They'll cross a wolf with a wolfhound and end up with a twelve-foot shaggadoo that spends its whole pathetic life trying to rip its own throat out, until finally it gives itself a case of terminal whiplash and dies of starvation because it keeps falling over sideways when it tries to put its head down in the bowl.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

I picked this question because it seemed easy: compared to that aquarium, a recently-flushed toilet is a breath of fresh air (assuming it's a clean toilet, which it doesn't say it's not). But then I noticed that it says "three-day old aquarium water." And I have no idea what three-day old aquarium water looks like. I guess we have to assume there are fish in it, and that they're being fed. How much doo do fishes do? And does this hypothetical aquarium have a filter in it? I think it probably does, otherwise it would be called a fishtank (I just made that distinction up, but I'm going to stand by it).

So the real question is: would I rather drink something that contains filtered but decidedly present remnants of Poecilia reticulata (look it up), or something that has little more than a recent memory of the distinctly human kind?


I suppose I'd rather drink a memory.

It would be a nice change of pace, considering how usually I'm drinking to forget.

Oh, and we also won't be pondering the next question, which is: "after deciding you don't want to marry Mr. Big Bucks beacuse he was cheating, would you rather give him back his three-carat ring -- OR -- keep it so you can sell it later?"

We won't be pondering because there is only one right answer, and that is: you would RATHER keep it, but you WOULD give it back. End of discussion.


su said...

Ok easy for me Terlet... unless it is a Public Facility, frequented by squaters and stradlers. Then I would opt for fish poo.

And though nobody asked, I believe if the ring was a gift, say birthday or Christmas.. Absolulutely keep, otherwise, I believe it should be returned,but if the bastard cheated, keep it sell it and buy a car.

EGE said...

I just assumed it was an engagement ring, because a lady wouldn't very well accept diamond jewelry from a fellow she wasn't at least engaged to, now would she?

su said...

Well often times.."gentlemen" gift a lady with an engagement ring for birthday , Christmas, VD.. In that case Miss Manners would say havve a blast honey it's yours forever.

EGE said...


You do not want to question my grasp of the Miss Manners oeuvre!

Now, can I offer you a nice glass of toilet water to raise to my correctitude?


su said...

Book and page! " "

Courtney said...

I have no intention of answering the question (gross) but I just want to note that I, too, love the word coelacanth, and I, too, really want it to have an "o" instead of an "a." I think the fish itself wants to have an "o" instead of an "a." And if you are a living dinosaur I think you should get to choose how to spell your own name. That is all.

LadyCiani said...

Am I the only one who doesn't know what a coleo/a thingy is?

But I side with Su on the drinking question. Though my plants love the fishbowl water.

And if the engagement's off because of something Big Bucky did, the jools is mine! Of course if it was a mutual dissolution I would return them.

Athena said...

Toilet water, definitely (unless, like su said, it were a public facility). I am looking at old mucky fish tank water right now, and even if it were only 3 days old I'd say NO WAY.
Also, go check out my blog I left you a little something :)

Sparkle Plenty said...

Cool! You're egesizing this game to suit your preferences!

Okay. In advance, I apologize for offending sensibilities and/or creating unpleasant mental images.

1) I'm going for the aquarium water.
2) I have a low-flow toilet and not a particularly good one. That which is flushed does not necessarily remain so. Memories Linger On Closer Than One Would Like.
3) It does not say "clean toilet bowl."
4) It does not say how many fish reside in the aquarium. (I prefer to think of just one lone, tidy bachelor with a tasteful mermaid statue on the bottom of his tank--that is my leap of imagination.)
5) The water is always circulating and a-bubblin' and a-filterin'.
6) Aquarium.

(And: That's an especially great last two lines of this post!)

Vrouwenstreken said...

thank you for your reaction on my blog.
YOur blog looking good. ;)
How do you do that?
My blog looks boring. When I saw the yours.

I wish you a nice day ;)

EGE said...

Courtney -- Yes, but how many other ways are there to spell McCain? McCane? McKane? MacCain?

Lady -- 1. It's a fish. 2. Aha! Now I know splorp!'s real name!

Athena -- I did check it out (as you may know by now) -- thank you! I'll pay it forward sometime really soon.

Sparkle -- Ah, grasshopper, you use my own powers of imagination-leap against me!

Vrouwenstreken -- Thank you for coming to my blog! You will learn how to make yours look nice when you have had it for some more time. I put a link to your blog on mine, so I can keep up with your progress. Good luck!

soup said...

the toilet water has floride in it. it would be my dentist's choice. i just saw dr.b this morning, and he still has access to the pointy-hurty things. it is in my best interest to keep him happy.

LadyCiani said...

An ugly fish! Thanks for that, though. The lungfish looked interesting.

And no, splorp! does not go by Bucky, and he might kill me if I didn't defend his honor. I was playing off your "Mr. Big Bucks" ...

amanda said...

How much poo can a fish do in 3 days after all? They're only little. At least, I assume they are only little fish, not an aquarium full of sharks or sting rays. As long as I could gently scoop it off the top of the tank without stirring the bottom up I pick aquarium water. Toilet water would have me running right back to the toilet to deposit it right back where it came from. Oh, and keep the ring - he's a cheating bastard.

HPH said...

You know what Mr. W.C. Fields had to say about drinking water. I have drank half the lake after crashing over backwards on skis. My dog kisses me on the lips and I'm sure she's drank outta the toilet bowl when sumbudy (men!) left the lid up. So I figure I have had drinkin-assoication with both the fish-poop water and the (ahem)-poop water. Water skiing is alot of fun, crashing not so much; I love my precious-wecious baby-girl puppy-dog. So I pick freshly-flushed porcelain water.

DonnaStaf said...

fish tank water. Hands down. Keeping the ring no matter what!

Chris said...

I will take my chances with the possibility of drinking recycled fish food over the possibility of drinking last nights recycled pork chops...
Go fish water!!!