It's not about the house.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I'll Remove the Cop, But Not the System

My favorite commentor this week is Amanda, because she always notices my tags -- which are something it never occurred to me that people would notice. Yesterday, she envied my ability to write a post about "camping, Fanta, pee." And what feels like a looong time ago, she noticed that I had seven separate posts tagged "toilet" (it was really August 4, and the number of "toilet" posts has since gone up to 9).

I can't link to Amanda, because she doesn't have a blog. Or, rather, I suspect she does,but she doesn't want any of you-all to see it. Because she comments with a blue line, but when you try to follow it you get the Blogger Stay-Out Screen. That's okay, Amanda -- if that is even your real name -- you don't have to share your thoughts on toilets and pee with the world if you don't want to. But riddle me this:

If you don't share your profile, how, then, did I come to know you're in Australia? Am I psychic? Or did you "accidentally" share that information? Or is it all a giant subterfuge?

Oh, shit, you're not really District 1 Councilor Victor Pap III, are you? And here's me, forgetting to make a joke about your name in yesterday's post!


Welcome to Would You Rather Wednesday, everybody!

For the record, the game is really called Zobmondo and you can buy it here.

Ready? Okay! Gather 'round...

The category is Random, which means it could be anything, but judging from this question I'd say it falls under the category of either Ethics or Embarrassment, depending on your answer. Would you rather...

As a bank robber, realize after you get inside the bank that you overlooked one security camera -- OR -- one security guard?

Oh, gosh, criminal justice. I haven't had to think about this shit since the accident...

Okay, as the robber, I've got three goals: 1. Get the money, 2. Get away, and 3. Get away with it. And neither the cameras or the guard have any effect on #1, so we'll discard it.

Now, the cameras -- although they're pretty daming evidence preventing #3 -- are virtually useless stopping me from #2. Unless some vigilante pulls one off the wall and hits me with it. The guard, on the other hand, could either shoot me on the spot, or be a witness in my trial. Or both.

And if we're going to assume I'm not one of those jackasses who wears a "Mount Holyoke College, Class of 1990" t-shirt to pull heists in, or writes the stick-up note on her own deposit slip -- which we are going to assume, and I'm sorry if that is against the rules -- then even the camera shouldn't be that big a problem at the trial. Because I'm also smart enough to wear a hood, and a baseball hat, and sunglasses, and to bind my breasts and -- what the hell -- let my stray chin hairs grow in for a month or so before.

Hey man, at that point? I might as well go ahead and wear the MHC t-shirt. They'd only wind up looking for some post-op FTM anyway.

Oh, yeah, so to sum up: I'd rather find out that I overlooked the camera.


beardonaut said...

That's a complete no-brainer. Security camera. Anytime. Mask and clothes either without distinguishing marks or clothes that point them coppers in a completely different direction.

And I'm not Amanda. I swear.

Chris said...

Without a second thought, camera, no bullets can fly from them. Plus any bank robber with any pride in their craft would take the precaution of masking their identity.
Like Eddie says "If your going to be a ditch digger, be the best ditch digger you can be"

LadyCiani said...

Camera. Because they're not often able to shoot at you. But then, I also think we (your readers) are smarter than your average bank robber.

Link 1 (see number 4)

Link 2

jen said...

How'd lady get it to link? I can never get it to link. Maybe I'm not your smartest reader. BALLS!
Um, der. Camera. I am, after all, wearing my Ronald Reagan mask. Hey. I saw Point Break.

HPH said...

Is the security guard hot? Cause if he is, there is no way, no how, that I overlooked him. Looked him over, yes; overlooked him, um, no.
Cameras; they add at least 10 pounds. I really don't need any more pounds added. I already have to make 2 trips when somebody tells me to haul butt.
So the camera must be put outta commission. I wouldn't want to put the security guard outta commission, whether he is hot or not.

pork luck said...

Is the guard from Mayberry? Or even an I Love Lucy guard or a Brady Bunch kinda guard. If its any of the above... then i choose guard.

Hi Amanda.

su said...

I pick camera then I would take my money and go directly to the spa for a makeover so no one would know it was me! HA I, too, would like to know how to link from comments and also spell check!

David said...

I'd definitely go for the camera since I would be wearing a look like Amanda.

Whazzup Amanda?

amanda said...

If I am robbing a bank I am already a complete ratbag so I pick the guard, then I can just shoot him and get away with all the money. I do not have any plans to rob a bank or shoot a guard, by the way.

I had a blog and lost it in the custody battle. So I started a new one and my family found it. I had written stuff in it I didn't really want to share with them so I freaked out and privated it. I'll eventually get another one and will not be posting under Amanda in it since that is my real name. My old blog had more toilet stories than yours but I think I wrote in a comment that I was an Aussie, sorry to break the bad news to you about being not psychic.