It's not about the house.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Everywhere You Go...

Hey, kids, it's...

Would You Rather Wednesday!

No monkeying around this time! Just the first question off the top of the pile! Say whatever comes to mind! After we get the small print out of the way!

Small Print:
This game is really called Zobmondo.
Blah blah blah.

Okay ready? Gather round!

The category is Pain/Fear/Discomfort, and the question is...

Would you rather, for the rest of your life, live in 110-degree weather -- OR -- five-degree weather?

See, they didn't pick their numbers very well. Everybody knows that subtle differences between numbers can make all the difference. To wit:

One (this is not the funny number) of the funniest seconds in the history of film occurs towards the end of Planes, Trains and Automobiles. Steve Martin and John Candy (you're already halfway to a pretty good second right there, I must say) are in the back of a freezer truck. They're hugging themselves and shivering, and Martin turns to Candy and says "What do you think the temperature is in here, anyway?" And John Candy answers "I don't know...


I'm sorry, but Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!! And it would've been nowhere near as funny if he'd said "zero" or "negative one" or "absolute zero." Or, for that matter, "five."

But then again, maybe it was just in his delivery. I remember seeing on a clip show or something somewhere that Imogene Coca decided the funniest number she could possibly say was "thirty-two." And she was right. You had to hear it. It was hy-freakin'-sterical. But thirty-two ain't funny when I say it. The funniest number I can say is "eighty-seven." (Either that, or "sixty-twelve." But "sixty-twelve" is not really a number.)

I suppose, though, that when they wrote this question they weren't trying to be funny. They were, most likely, trying to be dire. I maintain, however, that the numerical theory stands. Some numbers are more dire than others, and not least when temperatures are concerned. And I'm not talking about strict differences between cutting-off points, like between 99 and 100, or under and over the boiling point.

Oh, hey, speaking of either 100 or the boiling point---

Fahrenheit is both more comedic and more dramatic than Celsius. I mean, a scale of 1-100 between freezing and boiling may make perfect sense for all scientific writing and for 99% of the world's general population, but the fact remains that "It's 44 degrees outside!" just doesn't have the same woe-is-me punch as "It's a hundred and twelve!" Plus, um, not for nothing, but who can tell me what the freezing point of water is in Fahrenheit? Anyone? Imogene?

Thank you. I rest my case.

Okay, so, back to the question: 110 or 5, for the rest of my life. Fahrenheit, I'm assuming, yes? Christ, I hope so! 110 Celsius is like Mars-hot. And 5 Celsius is practically cookout-weather.

All right, well, I'm a girl with a little extra padding, so I choose 5.

But do you see how it would have been funnier if it was 7?

Now YOU'RE up! What would YOU rather do?


Leslie said...


And definitely the five (or seven). I can always put more clothes on, bury myself under our thick down comforter, or rescue a couple of thick-furred dogs to keep my body temperature comfortable. But there is nothing that would ever make 110 comfortable. Plus these days I carry my own furnace around, though it's about as consistent and reliable as the AssVac's was before you had things fixed.

su said...

It's not the heat it's the humidity! And it will prepare me for the after life in hell!

Charlie said...

I am scared of this question and I refuse to play! Alright, fine, I will play.
I have lived where it is 110 - although not year round (thank god!) and it was horrrrrrrrrible! But having just relocated to New England, I am very very afraid of freezing this winter (and who can afford heat these days?). So....I think I will also choose 5 celsius (like a certain other cheater-pants!) because it is slightly warmer.

beardonaut said...

5. Doesn't matter if it's Fahrenheit or Celsius. 5. Five. F I V E.

I hate heat. It makes me cranky and slow and just an altogether not very pleasant person (and I'm such a ray of sunshine no matter what the temperature).

And I'm Swedish. Please. 5? That's negative 15 degrees Celsius. That's the temperature here at least two months out of the year. Come on. Give me a challenge.

jen said...

Sauna it up, baby!!

amanda said...

OK, so since I live in a country where we actually went metric, I pick 5. Because 110 weather is instant death.

(I'd still pick 5 if we're talking old-fashioned temperatures, even though that's -15C, because you can always put more cloths on but you can only take so much off before being arrested.)

Oh, and also - you think 5 is cookout weather? In either temperature scale, you northern hemisphere folks are weird.

Deb on the Rocks said...

I'm down with the cold. Why do I live in Florida, then? I don't know. It's a funny state. It's the "F" factor. That's why "Farenheit" is funnier than "Celsius."

Plus, German always trumps in the funny words dept.

I get cranky when my favorite vending machine button at work, B7, is out of Diet Coke. B8 is NOT the same.

HPH said...

I knoooow! My dad just has a way of sayin, “It was no degrees outside today. Mighta been a bit nippy.” Which is much better than sayin it was zero and way too cold to spit and go naked. So is five. Five or zero, what’s a couple of freaking degrees between frozen friends? Once my feet get cold, they are cold until Spring thaw. Doesn’t matter how many blankets, how many socks, how many close encounters with the fireplace, how many times on the backside of an unsuspecting snoozer, They. Stay. Cold. Give me the 110 all day, every day. And the cool, refreshing swimming water with the shirtless cabana boys serving the frosty adult beverages. Getting warmer already.

DonnaStaf said...

110 all the way. I am heading into the state of cold weather depression now that Labor Day has passed... And 5 ain't too far off...