AssVac Update

As some of you may have noticed (hi, Nana!) I took a few days off from this here blog. Over the weekend I was away, and yesterday I was trying to pretend I was because I had to work on Labor Day and I was feeling sorry for myself. Which may explain why, instead of getting right back into the swing of things this morning, I forgot to set my alarm. So I don't have time for a full Townville Times report this Tuesday, and I don't have time to tell you all about Johnny's broken rib -- largely because I have to drop him off for his appointment for his root canal at 8:00 (something else I'll have to tell you about some other day).

So here's the quick-and-dirty:

1. That picture of that baby I promised you last week:

Also, I lied. She did not have poopy pants. In fact, she did not have poopy pants the whole time I was there. Wednesday through Friday. Her parents were a little worried, but as far as I'm concerned she is the Best. Baby. Ever.

Oh, and I forgot, she also didn't cry. Not once. Wednesday-Friday. So I take it back.

Best. Person! Ever.

2. Johnny wanted me to show you this:

I think it looks kind of like a shaggy lion. It's not alone, either. It has pups. Or kits, or cubs, or whatever you want to call them:

For the record: I planted sunflowers all along the entire fence last year. Watered them, fed them, talked to them. Not a single one came up. Johnny planted these this year and did nothing, and voila. For a while I tried to pretend these were my last-year plants just coming up a season late, but it would be a pretty good coincidence if mine were to have come up only -- and exactly -- where he planted his.

Maybe because he aerated the soil?

3. Ahem. Mi-mi-mi-mi....

My cat has fleeeaaaas!

Seriously. Just one of them. One cat, I mean. Lots of fleas. And that one cat is her, even though he spent two days rooting around the basement while I was gone before his father noticed he was missing, and so he looks like this (please espacially note the lovely grey crud around the toes; particularly those on the back right foot. Disgusting):

So but yeah, she's the one with fleas. And she's thrilled about it, too.

Then again, she pretty much always looks like that.

And, last but not least...

4. The pig isn't broken after all!

Don't know what I'm talking about? I may have never gotten around to telling you the pig was broken in the first place, but is isn't. Want to see a picture of it anyway? Okay!

Yes, for those of you who do not know already: at the AssVac, pig = garbage disposal. Because it lives under the sink and eats your garbage. It's an Irish/English thing, and I think it's fab so I've adopted it. Anyway, a few weeks ago Johnny flipped the switch, and the poor pig grunted twice and died. He told me, and my basic reation was "Yes, well" -- because I've pretty much come to expect things to wind up broken around here. And honestly, I was pleased (chuffed, if you will) that the warranty had just expired, because at least it meant I didn't have to deal with anything. One Friend suggested it might just be jammed, and recommended that we stick a broom handle down there and give it a shove. But that was just two weeks ago, so we of course hadn't gotten around to it yet.

And then yesterday, Johnny was under the sink looking for vinegar or something, and he noticed a three-prong plug just hanging out, directly underneath a perfectly useful-looking three-prong outlet. So he plugged it in, crawled out of the pig pen, and flipped the switch.

Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink! Oink!

So in the future, if your pig stops grunting, first make sure you're flipping the proper switch, then see that it hasn't spontaneously unplugged itself in a pathetic and misguided bid for freedom, then maybe try sticking a broom handle down there, and only then is it time to just give up and use the sink on the other side. Or get a new pig all together. Or just sell the house.

You're welcome.