It's not about the house.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Am I Sick, or What?

Herewith, and apropos of nothing: a survey.

Over the course of an hour yesterday afternoon, I suddenly and inexplicably came down with a doozy of a head cold. Sneezing, runny-stuffies, hard to breathe, etc. I thought at first that it was allergies, so I took a Claritin. A generic, CVS brand Claritin, but a Claritinish product, nonetheless. It did nothing. I finished my tasks for the day, took Nyquil at 5:00 (real Nyquil, no methadone crap this time) and woke up twelve hours later on the kitchen floor.

(Kidding, MD, kidding about the kitchen floor part. And props to whichever now-unknown comedian I stole that joke from twenty years ago. Whoever he was, he called it the "sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, how-the-hell-did-I-wind-up-on-the-kitchen-floor medicine" -- which I thought was pretty freaking hysterical at the time. That was when Nyquil used to actually put me to sleep. Before I carefully and under laboratorial conditions acclimated my body to the effects of a shot or twelve of alcohol. In other words, that was my freshman year. Also, have you noticed that Nyquil has dropped something at the end there? The commercial to which that Unknown Comic was referring used to really say "sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-head, fever, so-you-can-rest medicine" [though the hyphens may be my addition: I do loves me some hyphenated compounds] and now it's "sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best sleep you ever got with a cold... medicine" [ellipses theirs, MC]. I dunno why. Did they change their recipe? Do people not get head-stuffies anymore? I do. I did last night, that's for sure. I thought I might also have had a fever, but I couldn't get an accurate temperature reading what with the neverending succession of Pop Ice melting in my mouth. Oh yeah, it's still bad. I've decided my favorites are blue and pink, and I alternate between eating them first and saving them till last. I like blue and pink because I don't even know what the hell flavor they're supposed to be, so they can't possibly taste wrong. Though the truth is, if you blindfolded me, I probably couldn't tell the difference between any of them. Of course, I'd like to think if you blindfolded me I wouldn't just passively sit there and let you put strange foodstuffs in my mouth. I'm not six years old anymore, Khurston. But I digress.)

Um... Oh yeah. I woke up this morning feeling pretty better. Feeling human. Feeling just a little itchy-nosed. Which is basically how I felt when I woke up yesterday. So.

Do I go to work?

Here's why I ask: the lady that I work for is 78 years old. I work inside her studio apartment. She's been in the hospital for a month and just got out last Friday. If I'm not mistaken, however, she will be out having dialysis in the hours that I would be there today.

My instinct is to call and ask what she wants me to do, but I know her, and I know she won't make this decision rationally. She'll tell me to come if she thinks she really needs me, and she'll tell me not to come if she's feeling magnanimous -- neither of which make her sound like the generous but slightly odd lady she really is, but there you have it. Amd neither of which, either, have anything to do with her odds or fear of catching what I may or may not have. Or the fact that I don't get paid if I don't go in, and if I'm well and if she'll have me, I really do need the cash-dinero.

If I'm going in, I need to leave at 11:00. If I'm not, I should probably call her by 10:30. So what do you-all think I ought to do?

PS This post is in italics because it started out as a PS for another post, but this one grew a tail and swam away with me (thanks, K, for the image). I will eagerly await your opinions (though I don't necessarily promise to abide by them, because I know you people, and someone out there could very well suggest I go into work in a beekeeper's outfit and then you'll all vote for it just to be funny and if I say I'll do what you say then I'll have to do it). But I will take your reasonable consensus into consideration, and I will post my original post before I leave (or don't leave) for work.

PPS Maybe this is the future of health care in this country? Diagnosis by amateur consensus? Hell, you-all can't possibly do any worse to me than Dr. Teacher did. After all, you guys can't touch me...

[those ellipses, by the way, are mine, all mine. And so are these...]


Khurston said...

Not sick.
You'll most likely be wearing gloves anyway, right? Plus it's not like the folks at the dialysis place will stay home if they have the sniffles, will they? If she's not going to be there anyway, and you're not spewing rhinovirus all over her pillow, I say go for the cash.
Maybe a surgical mask just to be funny. More efficient than the beekeepers outfit anyway. Although being halloween, I bet you could find directions for a condom costune without too much effort.

Mom Pom said...

no plastic bags over your head though. Remember they are not toys.. It says so on some of them.. I wonder if the ones that do not say it on them are toys.
I say bring some hand sanitizer along and be aware of keeping your hands away from your face.

Sue said...

Sorry, I don't know what kind of work you do so I'm not sure if you should go or not, but I would like to comment on Nyquil.

Nyquil caved to the powers that be (FDA or some other such nonsense) and took out the ingredient that cured the sniffies, thus rendering the product practically useless other than giving you a decent buzz, unless of course you've acclimated your body to shots through years of scientific study, such as you. :) Nyquil basically sucks now.

EGE said...

Sue -- oh, kind of like the Alka-seltzer cold medicine that sucks now, too. Rats. (By the way, today my work would mostly be organizing papers and things like that, which means...)

Khurston -- no, no rubber gloves. Although I COULD wear them I suppose.

MP -- If I wear gloves AND use sanitizer, does that mean I can go ahead and pick my nose?

mp said...

belly bouncing laughter here! As well as teaching you to say pop a button I also taught you not to pick your nose, so the answer is no do not tough your face with or without gloves and if you do use the hand sanitizer

Ladyscot said...

Yeah, some brain-friers discovered they could make a brain-fryer out of the sniffle-taker-away stuff, so the powers-that-be decided that it would be a good idea to take the stuff with the brian-fryer off the shelves. So Big Drug Business decided, in turn, to put some not-so-good-sniffle-taker-away stuff in their sniffle-taker-away products so they could keep it on the shelves. Which is why I now have to sign my life away at the pharmacy counter to get some real sniffle-taker-away stuff!

Sue said...

LMAO @ladyscott! Hit the nail on the head. And EGE, yes, just like the AlkaSeltzer stuff and pretty much all the other good cold meds. May just have to resort to straight shots of Jack from now on and call it a day.

braveheart said...

Yes, the me th-heads steal the stuff from the stores and do stuff to make it into me th, so the guvimt made em put it behind the counter, and required that real sick people need some sort of secret password or handshake to get some, so the manufacturers of the "sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-head, fever, so-you-can-rest medicine" took out the ingredient that made it good for "sniffly, sneezing, stuffy-head, and so you can rest" in order to get their product out from behind the counter. Of course they didn't tell the consumers they took out the stuff that made it work, so we all still buy it.

Sandy & Michael said...

I once took nyquil AND alka-seltzer before I understood their potency, let me just say...

EGE said...

So, Sandy, did you wake up in Oz?

Sandy & Michael said...

I thought my mysterious ellipsis might be too mysterious :)

Nothing really exciting happened - I just thought everything was extremely hilarious and then I fell asleep. Which was rather fun actually.