It's not about the house.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

How Did I Get Here?

Seems Charlie knows all that there is about poop
When she had a cat, I bet she even scooped.
(Poor Charlie does not have a cat anymore --
Which, between us, is good: hers got slammed in a door.
And I was the one who got stuck washing stitches
While Chuck was off "studying" Rastafar fishes.
Not really, but anyway, what was I saying?
Oh that's right, the poem, the bet that I'm paying.)
How did she recall the mysterious pile
Left at our back window (I thought with a smile)?
The very same window the Kid just crawled through
Well, I hope he liked ootching right through the poo!
She even told me what I titled the post
And that is a bit more obsessive than most.
The name of the next proved a little tough for her
(I'd've thought she'd remember, it was from Rocky Horror
Which is only where she and I met, for god sakes,
If you don't count the class wherein our 'tendance rates
Prevented us meeting till after the midterm,
And -- oh, hi Mommie Dearest! No, I was a bookworm.
Anyhoo) Charlie remembered the type
Of the mess some bird made on my beautiful skylight.
She even (for bonus points I did not offer)
Saw herself clear to mention the puke on my sofa
(Which does rhyme, cuz I am from East Massachusetts
So I have my pick of how I have to use it.
"Offer" could be -ah, or "sofa" could be -er,
Or just "deal" on the "couch," like in South California.
Oh, balls, now I've gone and lost myself again.
What was I saying? Must be near the end...)
Oh, that's right: Yay, Charlie! Here's your Special Poem.
When presenting to Thesis Committee, just show'em.
You will be a shoe-in, you'll get the last word
They will be struck dumb by your grasp on the turd!

Now that I've gone and done this, I am so very glad it was someone I know personally who won this dubious honor. And I promise to wash my inner teenage-boy's mouth out with soap, immediately if not sooner.

Goody, needless to say, is speechless.


Sparkle Plenty said...

Holy moley, woman! It's genius! I was hobbled by cluelessness in the poop sweepstakes (Poopstakes?). All I can do now is give you a heartfelt, but deeply lazy lounging ovation.

But, hang on a second! In keeping with the topic du jour, shouldn't it be the Feces Committee? (Particularly on those days when the Committee in question gravely displeases Charlie?)

Charlie said...

1) yep I scooped - bleech - until kitty-face learned to take herself outside
2) sniff, poor kitty-face
3) oh yeah, that reminds me, was that "sushi for life" for your life, or her life?
4) That's protogynous hermaphrodites to you - so put that in your pipe and smoke it!
5) one day when you were a child you stepped on a frog
6) mind like a steel trap - sieve girl
7) if he did, would that make him the "Manure Kid?"
8) mind like an autistic giant clam
9) we met? we took the same class? what class? I attended class?
10) hi EGE's mommie dearest!
11) please maintain some comport, sit on the davenport
12) don't worry, I am sure you will find yourself somewhere near the general vicinity of the area near, or in the proximity at least, of something vaguely, occasionally, when you are not paying attention, that might sometimes resemble - when properly dressed (maybe in galoshes, or perhaps the red fringed vest that you had when you were a kid and had long long long hair that you could sit on when braided and everyone wanted to touch but you hated when ugly [stoopid] people touched) and when drinking blueberry milk - be your point (not the movie)
13) Yay me!
14) hmm, I hope your pooh doesn't get my zinc fingers dirty

EGE said...

Sparkle -- Dang! Wish I'd thought of Feces committee. I bow.

Charlie -- Shouldn't you have been writing your THESIS? Maybe, someday, when I can't think of anything to post, I'll tell the whole story and put the sushi-for-life thing to a vote.

Anonymous said...

Hi Charlie!

EGE said...

PS Charlie -- I tried protogynous hermaphrodites, but I sprained myself trying to make it rhyme.

Anonymous said...

what? i have to write a thesis? didn't you say your poem was good enough? no?
why? why me?
science is poopy!