It's not about the house.

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Her Majesty Queen Jen, Ruler of This Blog for the Weekend, Mother of One Son, Wife of Big Hands, and Princess of Yonderpond

Da da-da daaaa!

Please rise.

Turn to #4 in your comment section for a recitation of The Greatest Story Ever Told.

Okay, I may be confusing the Catholic Mass with royal protocol, but it's been a while since I've been exposed to either. It's all the same pomp, anyway. Just different circumstance.

Although I love the Princess of Yonderpond for both the fairy-tale mellifluousity of its sound, and the fact that Jen thought of it on the spur of the moment in genius defense of her precious crown, the actual winning lie was:

Telling the shrieking kid in the back seat that the cops pulled them over because he was being bad. Effective parenting and blatant bullshit, all rolled up into one. Yay, Jen!

She's the queen because nobody got the reference in the title -- which is just silly because if you google it, the answer comes up first. What do I have to do for you people? I feel like the SNL version of Alex Trebek hosting Celebrity Jeopardy! Which, by the way, is the one endlessly repeated sketch that always makes me laugh. That Sean Connery is a randy old bastard, and Turd Ferguson would be a funny name even if I didn't come from a long line of them. (Fergusons, that is, not turds. I'm the only turd in my family. Trust me.)

(And why can't I seem to write a post these days without a little poopy in it?)

So since Jen is the Queen, then we still get to have a Winner. And the Winner is:

dldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldl

(well, how would you type a drum roll?)

dldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldldl...

Lion skin parka! John (or actually John's wife) gets bonus points for his (or actually her) lie being totally unprompted and utterly unnecessary. Although the lie was technically hers, I don't know much about her and she doesn't have a blog. I do know, however, that John loves the arts-n-things, so here are some lion pictures for him:

Oh, whoops, that's not actually a lion. Okay, here:


Didn't political cartoons used to be so full (of depth, I mean, though Johnny might say this one in particular is full of something else)?

And, because our day would not be complete without a little Chuck (although these lions did come out looking a lot like Yosemite Sam -- who, I suppose, looks rather like a lion his ownself):


This next one is apparently hysterical if you speak the language. Russian? Greek? I've no idea. But ha-ha, he walks in a circle and the lion is afraid -- is very funny, yes?:

And, my favorite. Because we all must face the age of not believing sooner or later, so let us help these wee gullible beasties of ours put that time off for as long as possible*:


*oh god. How "if a body catch a body coming through the corn." Anyway, moving on.

Charlie gets runner-up for the side-hill cows. The clam pee I, myself, have referenced too many times to judge on its own merits. I'd be lying, though, if I didn't admit that I fully expected it to show up here as part-inspiration for this post. So thanks for coming through there, Barley-head!

And My Cousin Donna (a.k.a. Mrs. Apparently-NOT-Greeky-McHellenopolis, and a former Ferguson Turd her ownself) gets an honorable mention. Her story didn't technically fit the parameters, but we know how I loves me some poop!

1 comment:

jen said...

You are hilarious. Seriously!
I did think the side hill cow thing was very funny, too, though. I have to say that Im going to use that little lie on all the little ones I come into contact with. These poor kids. How they gave me one is beyond me. If they only knew...