It's not about the house.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Know Any Big Balls of String That We Can Pee On?

This is not even remotely about the house, but I put the houseblogs tag on it because I'm soliciting nation-wide advice and I want as many eyeballs as I can get. Please forgive me (there is a CONTEST!, after all), and please advise.

I've been talking about it forever, but now it's finally here! I fly to California tomorrow, and One Friend and I embark on our 2008 cross-country tour Tuesday morning.

I say "2008" because we've done this once before. That time it was three weeks in August, from Seattle to Orlando in a Jeep Cherokee with a slightly crippled cat.

Crippled cat hiding from thunderstorm in Atchafalaya swamp.
R.I.P., Crippled Cat.

This time: one week, April, Sacramento/Boston, Ford Taurus, 75-pound dog. Methinks this is going to be a very different trip.

But I'm excited! I've got all my Very Important Road Trip T-Shirts packed (plus some Also Important flannel 'jams)...

... and will be leaving home just after the sun comes up.

As a result, I won't be able to post here for a couple days. I'll do it when I can, but I can't possibly know when that will be. I know for sure I'll be too busy tomorrow and Tuesday mornings. As far as Wednesday goes, well, we'll be in Utah by then -- and I don't know what Moroni has to say about the WiFi.

Which brings me to the balls of string (you do read the titles, don't you?).

See, last time we did this, we stopped. For a few days here and there. In Salt Lake, in Albuquerque, in Austin and New Orleans. But we don't have time to lollygag like that this time around. Other than a single, 200-mile, 2-night detour to Chicago at the halfway point, we're booking down I-80 the entire way. Well, I-80 till it hits I-90, but you get my point. (I couldn't figure out how to copy the screen image from google maps, but here's the link. It's going to be a fascinating ride.)

We do, however, have that dog, and the dog has to get out to pee once in a while (as does One Friend, and as do I, after all). And she is shy to do it by the side of the road (as is One Friend, and as am -- well, as is One Friend, anyway. Not so much me. I'll pee pretty much anywhere. Heck, I once peed on the Tobin Bridge at rush hour, and I wasn't even drunk. But that's a story for another day). So, instead of my regular Monday Madness CONTEST! this week, here's what I'm thinking...

Anybody know of any big balls of string out there for us to pee on?

What I mean is: we're looking for odd little roadside attractions reachable from I-80. Not too far off the highway, because we really are just looking to stretch our legs and have a pee. We can't be driving an hour out of our way just coo over the Butter Cow. But if, say, the Corn Town is a mile from the exit ramp, we'd be tickled to death to goo pee there.

So. Got any suggestions?

Okay, here's how it becomes a CONTEST!:

Anybody who suggests a place we actually go, I will send you something from the road. I don't know what yet, and I probably won't actually mail it till I get home, but I promise to pick up a souvenir from someplace with you in mind.

And don't be shy. We've got to pee at least, what, four times a day? We'll be on the road for seven days. So that makes at least twenty-eight opportunities to win a prize!

(Don't forget, I can write all this crap off my taxes. So, for those kindhearteds among you who may be concerned for my oft-bemoaned financial situation -- you would actually be helping if you entered and let me send you something. Better you should be the proud recipient of an Idaho Spud (and the postage it takes to send it) than that The Man should get my 87 cents. Can I have a what-what?)

And, for the record, even after I do put up a new post from the road, this game will still be open. Unless we're already past whatever landmark you're suggesting, then please feel free to suggest away.

In the meantime, crap. I just now realized that we're going to be on the road for the NFL Draft. One Friend doesn't give a hoo about such matters, so I can't exactly expect her to listen to it on the car radio. Besides, wherever we are, they're only going to care about their own team, anyway. So, wait, now that I'm thinking: whereabouts will we be on that day?

Oh, crap, again. If I'm not mistaken, we will be in freaking Indiana. Okay, hang on...


Anyone know anything I can pee on in Indiana?


Leslie said...

Huntington, IN is not just a mile or two off your planned route, but having at least an inkling of your political leanings, I truly think it might be worth going out of your way in order to pee on the Vice Presidential Museum at the Dan Quayle center. Yes, Dan Quayle, the only person in the history of the top two offices whose IQ was lower than the Dub's.

And it's not a ball of string, but also in Indiana is the world's largest ball of paint, though that's even further south than the DQ museum, which wouldn't be an issue if you detoured down 74 once you hit Iowa then headed north again on 69 in Indiana, which would take you fairly near both attractions. 10696 N. 200 W., Alexandria, IN. Call for appt., 765-724-4088.

Besides, if you detoured onto 74, you could go through Peoria, and there just something to be said about peeing in Peoria.

I will be back with more.

Muskego Jeff said...

"Anyone know anything I can pee on in Indiana?"

Speaking as a Packer fan, how about that jersey? :)

Jenni said...

Corn Palace in Mitchell, SD

There looks to be several presidental places to P along the way.

Charlie said...

Ahem -

It is a Toyota Camry, and peeing is only allowed three times per day (including in the hotel before we leave in the morning and at the hotel at night)!

- Dr. One Friend

Anonymous said...

Have you checked Roadside America? That site kicks ass.

theotherbear said...

Hmm, this is a bit of a challenge for me since I have no idea where any of the places you are going are. Or where the I80 goes.
Therefore, I have no idea how far out of your way it is but do suggest the Giant Lady's Leg Sundial which is conveniently located at a nudist resort.

Or the smiley faced water tower in Ashley

Or the Potawatomi Zoo

Or the Belle "Husband Killer" Gunness Exhibit

Have fun!

LadyCiani said...

Husband splorp! recommends you visit: for your various hotel needs. It also links to I-90 hotels.

And I second the Corn Palace. Was pretty cool when I was 9.

LadyCiani said...

splorp! and I also recommend the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, OH (worth a full day) and Cedar Point (roller coaster theme park) in Sandusky, OH (also near Cleveland).

Khurston said...

If you're in Indiana, you gotta pee on peyton manning. I'd be disappointed if you didn't.

pork luck said...

My Giants pee'd on your patriots. heheheheheehehhheee

pork luck said...

Sorry, couln't resist that one.

Anonymous said...

ooohhhhh porky my pal....she is SNOT going to be happy when she spies that post....

pork luck said...

I know.. she's not going to be happy at all!!!

Anonymous said...

I'll balance you both out. I love IN NEW YORK and I hate the Giants (political reasons...) and I kinda like the Patriots. Overall though...I don't give 2 poops about football. LOL

Anonymous said...

I'll balance you both out. I live IN NEW YORK and I hate the Giants (political reasons...) and I kinda like the Patriots. Overall though...I don't give 2 poops about football. LOL

donnastaf said...

Here's an easy one, not off the beaten path at all. When you gets to PA, get out a PA issue quarter, toss it in the loo and have at it! Not a ball of string, but it'll do!

Green Fairy said...

I went to school in Iowa City--a great college town right off of I-80 in Iowa.

You'll also find the Amana Colonies, remnants of an old German communal society. While the colonies themselves are several miles off the highway, there is a wine shop somewhere near the exit off the I-80--you should see signs. They have wine tastings and a clean potty. The elderberry wine is yummy, and I usually bring a jug back with me when passing through.

Then there is the World's Largest Truck Stop. I'm not kidding, this thing is freaky huge.