It's not about the house.

Friday, April 11, 2008

The Naked Truth

Johnny was away last night (at Andy's, remember?), so I spent some time sitting here, quietly, thinking (and also, quite honestly, quietly drinking). And I wound up meditating for a while on the fact that there are great swathes of Things People Do that just aren’t a part of my day-to-day realm. For example:

Great Rooms:

How do people heat these things?

Text messaging:
And, okay, since it's been brought it up...

John 3:16:

All right, then, I'll go to hell!

Pretty much the entire freezer section of the grocery store.

– gag – gag – gag –
(Cookies for everyone!)

Babies

I don't believe this clip needs any introduction.

And facial tissue:

You think it's Kleenex, but (say it with me)...

Then there’s another whole group of things I do understand, but that I opt out of for one reason or another. They include:

Dishwashers:

You'll have to ask Johnny about this one.

Air conditioning:

No, thanks.

And facial tissue:

My own personal Where's Waldo game!

There are things I do reluctantly:

Housework:

What? That's me. Sure, it is!
(Oh yeah, like I iron.)
Recycle:

He's crying because sometimes I forget.
(Because sometimes I "forget")


Change the oil in my car:

Like clockwork. Every 7,000 miles. Usually.
(12,000 for sure)

And floss:

I should just tape this picture to the bathroom mirror, what?

Finally, there are some concepts that I grok altogether too well:

Reality television:

But let's keep that under our hat, shall we?


Sub-prime lending:

At least I fixed for ten years. We could all be dead by then.


Yo-yo dieting:

That's also me.
(in my hot-fat-mess phase)

Chapstick:


Seriously. It's a problem.

And beer:

Steamroller! Steamroller!

All in all, I think if you put my many facets in a jar and shook 'em, I'd come out normal, more or less.

Oh.

Unless you're counting this:

That's just not right.

13 comments:

Leslie said...

OK we need a clearer picture of that tat, or at least an explanation as to what it is and where it's located.

EGE said...

Yeah, I had to take the picture myself, because Johnny's not here, and it's hard when you can't look through the camera.

As far as what it's of: I'm sure SOMEBODY out there will recognize it. (No fair people who know me spilling the beans!)

But I'm NEVER telling where it is...

renovationtherapy said...

it's music...but notes to what?

if it's Danny Boy I'll slap ya.

EGE said...

Nope, it's not Danny Boy.

It's not even really, technically, music...

renovationtherapy said...

oh, so it's The Prodigy, huh?

EGE said...

No, no -- I mean the PICTURE isn't technically music. What it represents is, most decidedly.

Where is everybody today? My hit counter's been stuck for hours (on 666 nonetheless). If people would just drop by, I KNOW someone would recognize it.

(That hit count's for the week, by the way. I'm not that good.)

EGE said...

Su and Charlie: I deleted your comments because I said "no fair people who know me spilling the beans"!

I still don't know where everybody went yesterday, but if nobody I don't know recognizes it by Monday, then it's open season.

renovationtherapy said...

staph/staff infection? LOL

pork luck said...

i think its the music to the poop song

EGE said...

Poop song!? What is the poop song? I want the poop song!

In other words: nope. And not staph infection either -- though that's good.

Gee, this didn't start out as a contest, but maybe I smell one percolating.

(And no, that's not a hint. It's just a singularly distasteful choice of words.)

Jenni said...

Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, Ti, Do ?
(Only backwards)
Was my first guess.

But that still doesn't look just right (one too many lines) So I think maybe guitar strings and notes that go along with that? A scale of some sorts?

Jenni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
su said...

aww phoey When I know the answer you delete me cuz I know and when I am just clueless and dopey ya leave me there for all the world to see how dopey I am.... Phooey phooey and phooey no you Erin Griffin Ellia girl pretty