Wir Haben Einen Sieger!

Now, here's the thing: in a perfect world, DonnaStaf would be my winner, because really there wasn't a better suggestion than "If it is 3am and they are still ugly, use the stick to fend them off."

But remember how I said I already gave away one copy of the book? Well, Donna got it. (And actually, technically, she may not have it yet, but it's on a truck somewhere, trying to find her.) So this afternoon I will write a poem for DonnaStaf instead, and send the Chinglish to my runner-up.

First, though, I want to award a few Honorable Mentions.

Jenni worked much the same angle as DonnaStaf, and honestly she might have won for that. But she won last week, and we do like to spread the AssVac love. So instead, she gets a set of beer-goggles for her very own.

ILU and Braveheart both gave me honest translations, more or less. And they more or less confirmed what I was told it said, even though the person who told me is German and we bought the stick in Austria. Which just goes to show: Austrian, German, same dif. They both get edelweiss.

Khurston, Su and Stephanie all get points for working the violence angle. As it turns out, alcohol and weapons are a magic combination! Black eyes for everyone!

Cake gave me a Douglas Adams reference, which I have to assume was in honor of Johnny's tombstone. So, for her, here's an especially bookish and handsome picture I took of him last night in our lovely kitchen.

Hm. I never did ask him what the bad news was. And now, looking at that face, I'm just too scirt.

Moving on...

Janice actually figured out how to make the bottle-opener be a fire-extinguisher. Who knew? She gets two thumbs up from Smokey the Bandit -- I mean, Bear. Smokey the Bear.

Which brings us to our winner. And I have to tell you that my first thought upon reading this entry was "Huh? What the hell does that mean? You do have to at least make sense, you know!"

But then, as I went on to doing other things, a tiiiny little fact I'd plum forgotten that I knew, woke up and started elbowing its way through my brain like Bugs Bunny in a movie theater ("Scuse me, pardon me, scuse me, pardon me, scuse me") until at long last it flopped, exhausted, right before my eyes.

All Your Base Are Belong To Us

I didn't get it at first, you see, because I'm not (ahem) a gamer. But I read an article or something about this phenomenon somewhere, and I guess my brain socked it away as Possibly Useful Information. Apparently, this is as Possibly Useful as Information gets around the old AssVac anymore.

I lke it for lots of reasons, first and foremost being that I love that feeling of unbidden knowledge crawling up from my brainstem of its own accord. Truly, if I'd gotten the reference right away, it might not have won. And of course, if I'd never gotten it, I'd've written its suggestor off as nuts. But instead, we Goldilocksed it: juust right.

So congrats, Green Fairy! Send me your address (my email's in my profile) and I'll send you your (now even more tastelessly appropriate) prize.


P.S. If any of y'all follow that link to her blog, you'll see that our Green Fairy's on a bit of a prizewinning roll. But don't let the green monster get you down. We'll have another contest next week. And who knows? Maybe you'll be playing next for pickled beets & eggs!