Johnny Is Very Strange

Johnny was out in the garden for about an hour after work. He’s gone for a pint now. I wandered out to water the apple trees in the front yard and I found this:

Yeahsfaljkhdfa!

I could actually (block your ears if you’re squeamish) could actually hear them scrabbling around in there!

He doesn’t like to kill anything, but he knows the grubs aren’t good for the garden, so he pulls them out and sets them aside. I can’t bring myself to step on them cuz yeahsfaljkhdfa, so usually he throws them out into the street to get run over by a car.

This, though, this is new. Maybe he plans to make a little mud pie out of them? Maybe he just hopes they’ll bake to death in the sun? Maybe he plans to take them down to the river and set them free... Ooh, maybe he plans to take them down to the river and go fishing! Do any oceany-rivery-type fish eat grubs?

Yuck. I still don’t think that I could touch one even if it meant bluefish for dinner.

Oh, and when I shut off the water from the spigot I found this:

Yes, that’s right ladies and gentleman, I have now officially taken a picture of poop.

But seriously, although you can’t tell because the picture is crap (ba-dump bump), that pile of poo is perched nicely on the sill to our (albeit rotten) basement window. And, not to get too graphic about it or anything, it looks like whoever left it has been eating a lot of oats.

Skunks? Raccoons? Do they eat oats? If so, why would they be pooping on my windowsill? Don’t they have more private places to do that sort of business? Like under my front porch?

But if not them, then who?

Now, before you even think it -- and despite the title of this post -- I know for sure it wasn’t Johnny.

I don’t remember the last time I got him to eat an oat.

(ba-dump bump)