Five Things We Probably Won't Get Around To Doing This Year, Either

1. Painting the house.
On my very first post in this blog, I said we were going to paint it last year. Barn red, we had decided. Well, I lied. We had our reasons -- it was not mere procrastination -- but when I speak of those (completely valid) reasons, I'm told I sound like I'm making excuses. Fine. We're big fat lazy slobs. Is that what you want to hear? All those reasons still exist, however, so we probably won't get around to it this year, either. Nyeah.

2. Blowing a bulkhead.
This, actually, is one of those reasons why we haven't painted, and we're at loggerheads about it. It would sure make our lives easier if we didn't have to bring everything in and out of the basement through the kitchen and behind the refrigerator, plus we're told that basement access would pay for itself in the long run when it comes time to sell. But every time we talk about it, Andy wants to do the job. Andy would do fine, he's done this sort of thing plenty of times before -- but Andy also works long, unusual hours, and he drinks. A lot. Therefore, he has a tendency to not show up when he says he will. And I don't want to blow a hole in my basement just to have to wait indefinitely for it to be filled. But then there's the fact that Andy would only charge us $1000 and it would cost three times that if we got somebody else. So, knowing us, we'll just keep dithering for a little while longer.

3. Jacking up the porch.
This needs to be done. See, in that picture up above, how the house looks like it's sort of smiling? Yeah, it's not supposed to do that. This is another reason why we haven't painted yet. Why paint if you're only going to jack it up and knock everything out of whack? But Johnny is under the impression that jacking up means digging holes and pouring concrete, whereas I have it on good authority that a few posts and cement blocks will do just fine. Until we can agree on this, nothing's going to get done.

4. My privacy fence.
We've decided that if Ed McMahon rings our bell (or, rather, knocks -- seeing as how the doorbell doesn't technically work yet), we will first: finally pay off our solicitor's fees from acquiring the Dublin House; second: pay off our credit card debt from my Dental Woes; third: get a brand-new (or, actually, probably gently-used) Ford F150; and fourth: put up the fence that I've been fantasizing about since the moment we moved in. Johnny thinks a new roof should be fourth, but I say if it isn't leaking yet then it isn't necessary. Of course, by the time ol' Eddy drags his hundred-year-old ass around here, we will probably have Niagara Falls running down the chimney stack. Again.

5. Re-wiring.
At least we can rest easy in the knowledge that we're insured for $70,000 more than we owe on the mortgage. So, if the wires short out and the house burns down, we'll probably be able to put up that fence.

(And, hopefully, one thing we will get done)

1. Finish the kitchen.
I'll write more about this later, when my new camera arrives and I can show you what I mean, but we have been living with a literally half-finished kitchen for going on two years now. And when I say "literally," I mean literally. It is sawzalled down the middle: new on one side, old on the other. Which is, believe it or not, better than what we were living with before, but it wouldn't cost that much to wrap it up. A few more cabinets, some drywall, an electrician for a day and floor-sanders for another two, a few gallons of paint, a light fixture and someplace to sit and eat... Oh crap, that's adding up pretty quickly, isn't it? Damnit, that's looking like more than $3000 already.

Man, I am never going to get that f-ing fence!