Best Opening Sentence This Week

"The residents of Cedar Street, a thinly settled road on the island of Grand Manan, would not have considered Ronnie Ross an ideal neighbor even if they hadn't believed that he was running a crack house."
-- from The House Across The Way, by Calvin Trillin, in this week's New Yorker (sorry, the link's not available, but aren't you just popping off your tenter with anticipation?)

I'd like to state, just for the record, that I am not Ronnie Ross. Nor, for that matter, am I running a crack house. I may not be an ideal neighbor, either, but please don't any of y'all go burning down my house...

Oh, and not really speaking of which at all: there was some sort of tribute to John Cage on the radio while I was stuck in nine hours of construction detours on my way home from work just now. Which I thought was oddly serendipitous. Because if you're trying to ignore the funny noises that your car is making, there really is no better soundtrack.

Okay, I'm off to ply my wood with alcohol (I've decided to skip the paint-thinner step and just see how it goes). Wish me luck.