Johnny’s a pain in my butt.
I finished working out this morning, and was going to step in the shower, when I realized if I got in now I’d have to listen to church on the radio while I was in there. So I decided what the hell -- family plans or no family plans -- I can take twenty minutes and slap a coat of varnish on the door, and that way I can listen to something more interesting than sin-and-salvation while I shaved my legs.
The irony of the fact that I am working Puritanically in order to avoid religious services on a day I was supposed to rest -- a Sabbath day, no less -- does not escape me.
The first mistake I made was mentioning this little plan to Johnny.
“Don’t you remember what I told you to do?” he said to me.
Um, take a day off, dear? Open up a bottle of champagne, we’ll have mimosas?
“You’ve got to hang the door first and decide if you like it. If you varnish it first it’s going to be a pain in the hole to have to paint.”
Pain in the hole is right. Johnny has to always do everything the right way. It’s so annoying.
Fine. I thought we agreed we didn’t care if the paint peeled off the door after we sold the house and moved away, but fine. I am kind of eager to see it hanging, anyway, so now I‘ll get to see it three days early. Plus this way I don’t have to wash a brush.
The good news is I seem to be only missing one screw after all. I don’t know if Johnny found them, if they were there all along, or if the polter-goosed picked them up for me, but there you have it. And that is good news. Because I wouldn’t have been able to do this at all if I couldn’t put the doorknob on, and I was not going to Lowe’s this morning.
But now it’s hung, and I don’t know what to do. There’s a part of the woodwork right next to the closet that didn’t come quite clean when I was shtupping it for beers. It never bothered me before, but the ass-hat door hanging right there accentuates it , and I think the whole entryway now looks like a a bag of coke exploded and everybody ran.
But if I paint it, I think that will look stupid as well.
Johnny doesn’t have an opinion. And he apparently means that literally right now. He wants to live with it and look at it a while.
So what do you all think? I know you’re out there, so come on. Tell me, Kalamazoo. Chime in, Edmonton. Hello, San Diego. Good morning Longmeadow, Massachusetts…Help me!
Does it suck?
Day 25: Accomplished, with apologies.
Time: 50 minutes, including panicking.
Cost: My sanity.
Having A Forum Where You Can Get Instant Opinions From People Around The World (Please Please Please): Priceless
11 comments:
My spiritual advice comes from Lennon/McCartney: "Let it Be."
hey, erin, its nanajan here - follow the link to my profile and you'll find my email. Email the photos to me and I'll have a tutu
The perfectionist that I tend to be says it would drive me crazy... However, the more I look at it the more I want to say give it some time. Maybe it will grow on you...
That's the problem though isn't it? you learn to live with it and don't see it but it jars on anyone seeing it for the first time and you don't want that if you are intending to sell.
See, and the real problem -- my real problem -- is I think you're ALL right!
I would take a sander to it!!!!!
Okay, I love you all, but for those of you who may be new to this... The door has been stripped with a heat gun, with chemical stripper, with a sander, and with bleach. And then sanded again. And then washed with paint thinner. And rubbing aclchol. And it ain't all that abuse that caused the white bits, they've been there all along -- if anything the white bits caused all the abuse. She asked fer it, I tell ya.
It has also, after all of that, been re-stained. This is what the door just looks like. The best explanation we can come up with is that the wood absorbed the color of the paint as if it were a stain, but Johnny in his thirty years's experience as a painter has never seen anything like it. It ain't comin' off.
My question is: is it too ugly to live, should I paint it, or should I suck it up and replace the door? So far I'm leaning toward the
Lennon/McCartney school of decorative philosophy, but the jury's waiting for a few more pieces of evidence...
Can you switch it out with another door from a different part of the house? Could you put this where it doesn't get to be seen as much? Otherwise, I vote for either a new door or paint this one.
uh EGE, I just threw out two doors that were in better shape...Get a new one, it'll make you smile...
Put a coat of darker stain, and let the wood show. Put six coats of varnish and it will SHINE!
Hmmm...that's a lot of paint in the grainy cracks there. I can't tell from your pic if it's worth mixing up some matching brown paint and hiding the painty bits, or if it's way too much. I usually sand the bejesus out of the door after stripping (nevermind that the center panels are now as thin as an onion skin), stain, touch up with paint to match the stain job, and then 5 coats of poly. (Yep, I've inhaled too many paint stripping chemicals!) Good luck, whatever you decide!
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