The REAL Secret

I'm going to share The Secret with you, because I have things Out There, and I need the universe to Respond. You may use this Very Special Secret yourselves if you promise to use it for Good and never for Ill or Vegas. It is a powerful Secret, and always, always works. So, in the interest of getting Prudence what she wants and dearly deserves because Lord knows she's worked hard enough for it...

Please to repeat after me:

O Elvis, who art King
Lift up my spirits
Fill my heart with song
Love me tender
Protect me from those who would do me harm
And keep my blue suede shoes
Forever from impurity

Amen

If you wanted to light a candle while you said it, I wouldn't go standing in your way.

Oh, and I may ask you to do this one more time later, but if it works this time I may not need to. I promise to report back on the results.

(And when I have the results, I promise to tell you what the Priscilla you were praying for.)