Here Is What Happened To Someone Who Is Not Me

Someone Who Is Not Me was thinking about getting a new car. Not just a new-to-them car, but an actual, brand-new, never-been-driven-off-the-lot-before new car. Both of Someone WINM's family cars were getting on in years (the youngest was exhibiting distinct signs of puberty) and, in the time since they were new, SWINM had built up an actual family to put in them.

So SWINM and SWINM's spouse took the family on a tour of car-selling places. They looked, they read, they test-drove, they comparison-shopped, and then they went home with paperwork and studied up. They took their time, they slept on it, they figured out where they could get the best deal on the car they decided was the smartest buy. And then they slept on it some more.

This weekend, Family Car #2 coughed twice and keeled over. So SWINM and the family Flintstoned it down to the dealership, said "We'll have that one right there, please," and drove home in their new, smartly-purchased, 2007 Silver Car.

"That," said Johnny and I to each other, "is how grown-up people do things."

That is not, needless to say, how things happen around here.

Around here, we keep fixing cars past the point that it makes sense to do so, because we can't stand the thought of the process involved in their replacement. When they cough, we give them a lozenge and turn up the radio. Eventually there comes a point where all the duct tape in the world won't put off the inevitable any longer, and then Our Friend George usually knows somebody willing to sell us another clunker for $500. We buy it, register it, have about a week and a half of peace of mind, then start the whole process again from the beginning.

This is how we wound up with Chuck (TFT). This is also, by the way, more or less how we wound up with the AssVac. And let me tell you, there isn't enough duct tape in the world...

I am holding out a very small hope that maybe, possibly, sometime in 2008, I might, maybe, possibly, be in a position to buy myself my very first off-the-lot new car. I know what I want. I even happen to have heard on Car Talk that it was voted best something-or-other -- so it might, maybe, possibly not prove to be the Worst Decision That I Ever Made. Or even Second Worst. Ahem.

But when the time comes, if the time comes, I'll be asking Dad for help. Because -- that Someone whom I referenced above?

Really Not Me.