Sometimes my brother and sister and I and our respective spouses play a game called What's Your Superpower? My brother-in-law, for example, is The Napman. He can sleep anywhere, on a moment's notice, on command. In the army, he used to sleep on marches -- while marching.
Me? I break things. I can break anything. I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. Put something breakable in my general vicinity, and chances are dollars to donuts it won't escape my presence whole. I've even broken unbreakable things. Once, I dropped a German-made paring knife that Johnny had carried with him on the Magic Bus to a kibbutz in Israel and back again -- that was thirty years ago; he'd been using the parer ever since -- I dropped it on a wooden floor and the blade snapped clear in two. Not a good night in the AssVac, that one wasn't.
So what I'm trying to say is, my Christmas decorations aren't all in mint condition, but that doesn't mean I do not love them all the same. In fact, maybe it means I love them more.
To wit:
This door-hanging bell-ringer was my parents'. It survived the house I grew up in for forty years. Cats and dogs and kids and horses. Three years ago, I don't know what they were thinking, they handed it down to me. The first time I hung it up, one of its three bells came off in my hand. I still have the bell, and its respective clanger, but I haven't dared attempt to fix it out of fear I'll foul up the whole thing even more.
I don't know how this pitcher broke. It's been that way as long as I remember. I've never used it except as decoration, and for a couple years the broken piece was kicking around inside. It's not there any longer -- I probably at one point just admitted I was never going to get around to fixing it and threw the damn piece out.
This guy's supposed to be pointing and saying "This is your future, Ebenezer Scrooge!" -- or, rather, I suppose, implying it -- but he's missing his pointer-finger. Coolest Christmas Decoration ever. My sister gave it to me like a hundred years ago, when I was in my wear-nothing-but-black phase. In other words, my twenties.
As you can see, we have a lot of Santas. Johnny and I used to buy one every Christmas, usually at the Christmas Tree Shop or someplace like that, and usually for under twenty bucks or so. We just couldn't see spending any more than that on something that was destined to be broken. But we called off that tradition a couple years ago, when the last Ho-Ho that we purchased didn't even make it to the car.
Maybe Wonder Woman can fix them all -- if we can rescue her from Christmas Island!
20 comments:
Those brownish lumps are either the round cupcake kinda brownies, left over from last year, or mini-fruitcakes, left over from sometime in the past decade.
So, are you Destructo Girl then?
Yes, I am Destructo (hence, you know, the TITLE, ahem).
But no, the lumps are not cupcakes. Or fruitcakes.
Buh-DOY. Missed the title. Probably missed half the post. I'm a dolt.
Von says pumpernickle bread. Can you give us a size hint? Can you give us any hint?
No, wait. Von said no it's not pumpernickle, it looks too small to be pumpernickle. We need some size clues. Size DOES matter, after all!
are they dehydrated chocolates?
PLUM PUDDING
CHRISTMAS PUDDING
FIGGY PUDDING
BLOOD PUDDING
PUDDIN' IN A BAG
(One of the above or just something that scares me very, very much!)
I LOVE your blog and I LOVE those decorations!
I was also going to say Christmas pudding, but sparkle plenty beat me to it!
Merry Christmas to all the denizens of the Land of Misfit Toys!
Sparkle beat me to the plum pudding, so I'm gonna go with... pickled beats (yum) and eggs all mashed together and vacuum sealed!
Well whatever they are they surely will end up in Johnny's soup pot!
Sparkle wins! Mostly because she's so full of love, but also because one of those things she said happens to be right.
Now I have to decide what to do about that. I have a whole other contest to run today, so I suppose you'll have to tune in tomorrow or so to see what I come up with...
May i please point out that this is how you made the top of the list of "Who's the most difficult person you have to buy christmas presents for?" If it's fragile (or not cast iron anyway) it'll break. And if it's a textile, it'll get coffee on it.
If it's fragile (or not cast iron anyway) it'll break.
But if it's cast iron, isn't she likely to break something with that item?
Best post eve-h. I'm forwarding this to everyone.
Oh no, leslie, now I have to worry about things she might break WITH the gift. Damn.
I love that you keep all of your broke down decorations.
You should see our broke down Angel Christmas tree topper. Its BH's GREAT GREAT grandmothers passed down. BUROKE DOWN, my friend. She's beggin' me everyday to leave her to her final resting place. But, alas...BH can't do without her.
I would just like to report, because it's on-topic here (sort of) that this morning, when I was cleaning my ears, I pulled the q-tip out and the cotton swabbing stayed behind.
That's right. I broke a q-tip. With my ear.
And if I know I'm not supposed to be sticking q-tips in my ears, imagine how I felt having to stick a tweezers down there after it?
I'm fine, though, thanks for asking. You just might never see me with clean ears again...
This is SOOOO Houseblogs material. After all, Christmas decorations!
(Is a Christmas pudding the thing you light on fire?)
Well, alrighty, JM, I'll tag it so!
And yes, that's exactly what Christmas Pudding is. I'll be explaining more about it later...
Christmas pudding soup! yumsers
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