Okay, FIRST Of All...

Thanks for all of your good wishes on my dental visit (and let's pass them all along to Tara, too). As it turned out, 'tweren't nuthin. I waited forever, but when I finally got in she poked at it and said "You're fine. Go home. No charge."

Then I ran around for a lot of hours doing a lot of things, and now I come home to find there is a LOT of confusion that needs a lot of clearing up. So here goes:

1. I Love Upstate -- I just so happen to have heard Bing Crosby and David Bowie in the car on the way home about ten minutes ago, so I'm happy to report that it is every bit as twee as I remember. It reminds me of that scene from The Breakfast Club where Judd Nelson acts out Anthony Michael Hall's imagined-idyllic family life. "Bing, isn't our song swell?" "Yes, Bow'. Isn't peace swell?" Smooch. Smooch. POW!

2. Sparkle -- Hey, I thought you were on the long road to Poochville! Somehow I seem to have missed out on the Waitresses song entirely. Guess I'm not as cool as I thought. But if I never heard of it, it can't be on the list. So there.

3. Courtney -- I'm at the dentist and you're talking to me about Shane McGowan? For shame! Besides, if I wanted to include a slit-my-wrists song then the hands-down choice would have to be Joni Mitchell's "River." But I didn't want to go depressing anyone. Ahem.

4. Courtney again -- "Christians and Pagans" is not a bad song, but there is this melange of girl-guitarist-songwriters from the mid-nineties that I just will never be able to keep straight. Dar Williams happens to be one of them. And one of the rules here is: if the performer could be easily swapped out for someone else, then the song doesn't make the cut. So, nope. Sorry. Wrong.

4. Poppo -- your suggestion (for those of you who did not follow the link, it was Yogi Yorgessen's "I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas"), although probably now considered politically incorrect on about a hundred different levels, came closest to being Not-Wrong. And a lot of that was probably exactly because it would now be considered politically correct on about a hundred different levels. But, in the end, it's really more of a novelty-kitcsh thing, isn't it? Whereas the Partridge Family, well, that shit's just timeless.

5. Robert -- Oh sure, ha-ha, Patsy and Elmo are hy-freakin'-sterical. Maybe you should find out how both my Grandmas died before you go throwing jokes like that out into the ether. Huh? It's not so funny when it happens to someone you know, is it, and even less funny the second time around. Still laughing now? Yeah, I didn't think so.

WRONG!


Go on, try me some more. I dare ya!