It's not about the house.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

I Do Hate a Crooked Record

Apparently 'Phaz did acknowledge receipt of the lovely toys I sent. But he put it in a comment on the original post declaring him the winner and, well, who checks for comments on month-old posts, anyway? In the interest of setting records straight, here is his acceptance speech in its entirety:

Yay 4 me!
I'd like to thank all the little people who helped make this possible. My mum my dad, my sisters, and of course my beautiful wife without whose love and loyalty I'd never have believed in myself enough to be here today.
Let's see...My cat Emma (Bugsy) for throwing up on the bedspread at 3 AM and inspiring me to be at the PC instead of asleep to begin with (She sounded a lot like the old Heinz "Keg "o" Ketchup" bottle when you hit the bottom to unstick it)...
It just goes to show that if you want something badly enough and you cling to those dreams in spite of all the times they seem so distant and unreachable, then maybe someday it'll be you that is honored at the unveiling of the mural depicting the heroic struggle of the little guys to finish the mural.
(sniff)...
I've never won anything before...
;)Thanks for the toys!!! They arrived yesterday, -love the cap torpedo and the shroom 'specially-
Emma is fascinated most of all by the concept of a paper bag that smells like, could it be? Yes, it most assuredly smells like boy butt!!!

So I'm sorry for disparaging him. Except really it was Robert who did most of the disparaging...

For some reason, though, in one of those comments on one of the old posts, Eliphaz put in a link to this low-rent, local, so-called "etiquette" maven who calls herself Miss Conduct. Now, I'm in a bit of a tiff with Miss Conduct these days (which is why I'm not providing you the link) because one of my alleged real-life "friends" wrote to her complaining about me -- if you can imagine. She accused me of a breach of etiquette that was never even true, and she made sure to do it in a way that all our non-perfidious acquaintances would know who'd written it and who it was about.

The nerve!

(I'd like to take this opportunity to inform and/or remind you all that my One Literary Hero Of All Time is Truman Capote -- and was, decades before every second movie that came out was about him. So. If you've never read "La Côte Basque 1965," then go here and read about it. When you're done, come back and tell me why it's not a good idea to piss off a writer. Especially one who drinks.)

Anyway, Miss Conduct (who I was about to abbreviate to MC, but that would be an insult to another MC I know) had a good laugh at my expense -- which is fine, that's her job and everything -- but she was wrong, wrong, wrong. As she usually is. I don't think 'Phaz knows this whole background story, so I don't think that was why he included the link in his comment to me. I think he was just trying to scold me for my behavior and he got Miss Conduct confused with Miss Manners -- which is kind of like confusing chopped liver with foie gras, if you'll pardon my french.

For the record: it is Miss Manners who plays the role of Behavioral Advisor Inside the Confines of My Head. Miss Conduct, on the other hand, can suck it.

But no, 'Phaz is right. MM would probably not have approved of my little public smackdown. So I'm sorry. And I'm sure Robert is doubly so. Shame on you, Robert...

(By the way, I went to the Post Office to mail Robert his prize today, but -- did you know that three days before Christmas is not a good time to go to the Post Office? I didn't even park the car. I'll mail it Wednesday, Robert. Consider the waiting time your punishment for ticking off Miss Manners.)

Also, since we're straightening up around here: while I was scavenging through the old posts to see if I'd missed anything else, I saw JM dope-slapping herself for saying "Maxwell Wilson" instead of "Maxwell Edison" -- because I'd said she'd said that, and I said that was why she didn't win. Well, she didn't. Say that. She said Edison. I just made the switch in my own head somehow. Jeebers. Good thing this isn't a real gambling operation, with enforcement-mooks and everything.

So I'm sorry also to JM! But I don't think it calls for a recount or anything, because I do stand by my second reason why Maxwell Edison couldn't be the radiator name, which was: I wouldn't name somebody who lives outside my bedroom after a guy who killed his girlfriend, any more than I would name my daughter after Lizzie Borden.

Whack!

Whack! Whack!

WhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhack
WhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhack
WhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhack
WhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhackWhack

Whack!!!!!!

There. I believe that adds up to forty, now.

Any more complaints?

2 comments:

Robert said...

I am deeply sorry 'Phaz, but as you can see from the above post, Truman Capote is at least as much to blame as I.

Stephanie said...

So, from your dashboard, you can go to "Manage: Settings" ...comments...then way down at the bottom there is a place to put in your e-mail for comment notification.

It's actually a good setting to have, because I have found that occasionally a random googler will comment on some ancient post, and I'd never have known.