Beautiful and Glorious, My Ass

This is what you get in my house when the notoriously high winds blow through the trees.

Although, I should not say in my house. This time, thankfully, it did not go in my house. It has before. Before we bought it, that is.

(Whichmadetheraincomeinwhichrottedtheroomwhichmadeusabletoafforditinthefirstplace.)

I actually did not believe that branch back then couold possibly have punched itself right through the roof, but I'm starting to believe it now. These whoppers just keep on a-coming.

Here are a few more:


This one's bigger than it looks. The entire thing would not fit in my camera frame.


This one came out looking itty-bitty, but that blue tarp stretched out behind it is covering a cord of wood.

What tends to happen is these branches fall, and somehow we don't notice that. But then sometime later, when the wind isn't even blowing or anything, something -- a squirrel, say -- will dislodge it from its resting place and it will come skittering down the slope of the roof and crash into the yard.

Usually at this point I'm lying in bed asleep, or trying to be. And what it sounds like more than anything is a scuffle between two large men up in the attic. It is a testament to the wit's-end nature of our overall experience in this house that the first time I heard this skittering noise, my only thought was: "I wonder how long those two large men have been up in the attic?" And then I rolled over and fell asleep.

I've figured out the reason these punks are coming in such numbers now. See, the first year we were here, Johnny and John B. climbed up into this tree and cut all the punky branches off. I broke them down and we used them for kindling. But it's been three years since that happened, and I guess it's coming on time to de-punkify the beast again.

I don't think it's going to happen before the winter comes. I'm hurt and Johnny's hurt, there isn't any money to go paying anyone, and John B. just went and signed a P&S on a house of his own (we warned him, but he insisted). This time, though, if a branch goes through the roof, at least the old bitch is insured.

We just have to make sure we notice when it happens. Because if I understand my policy correctly, they'll pay to fix any insult to the house caused by a windblown branch, but not for any damage done by anything that might come through the hole.

Oh, and here's why this post counts as an update. That tree branch from another angle:


Got all caught up in my clothesline. And hung there for a week because I was broken and Johnny never got home from work till after dark. It's down now, but my poor line got all stretched out. I couldn't untie the original knot so I just Gordian cut it, but that didn't leave me enough slack to re-tie.

Ah well. I was trying to decide whether I'd be hanging clothes out in the winter, anyway. I don't understand how they get dry if they freeze first -- do you have to bring them in to thaw and then hang them out again? I'm sure I wasn't going to be doing that. So I brought the pulleys in. Well, I brought the pulley in that was hanging from the house. The one up in the tree I left there. I'm going to trust it to still be there in the spring. At which point I will tie on a new rope.

And in the meantime, maybe I'll save some energy by draping socks and things over our newly-toasty-heaty-steamy-hissy radiators.


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