It's not about the house.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Beautiful and Glorious, My Ass

This is what you get in my house when the notoriously high winds blow through the trees.

Although, I should not say in my house. This time, thankfully, it did not go in my house. It has before. Before we bought it, that is.


I actually did not believe that branch back then couold possibly have punched itself right through the roof, but I'm starting to believe it now. These whoppers just keep on a-coming.

Here are a few more:

This one's bigger than it looks. The entire thing would not fit in my camera frame.

This one came out looking itty-bitty, but that blue tarp stretched out behind it is covering a cord of wood.

What tends to happen is these branches fall, and somehow we don't notice that. But then sometime later, when the wind isn't even blowing or anything, something -- a squirrel, say -- will dislodge it from its resting place and it will come skittering down the slope of the roof and crash into the yard.

Usually at this point I'm lying in bed asleep, or trying to be. And what it sounds like more than anything is a scuffle between two large men up in the attic. It is a testament to the wit's-end nature of our overall experience in this house that the first time I heard this skittering noise, my only thought was: "I wonder how long those two large men have been up in the attic?" And then I rolled over and fell asleep.

I've figured out the reason these punks are coming in such numbers now. See, the first year we were here, Johnny and John B. climbed up into this tree and cut all the punky branches off. I broke them down and we used them for kindling. But it's been three years since that happened, and I guess it's coming on time to de-punkify the beast again.

I don't think it's going to happen before the winter comes. I'm hurt and Johnny's hurt, there isn't any money to go paying anyone, and John B. just went and signed a P&S on a house of his own (we warned him, but he insisted). This time, though, if a branch goes through the roof, at least the old bitch is insured.

We just have to make sure we notice when it happens. Because if I understand my policy correctly, they'll pay to fix any insult to the house caused by a windblown branch, but not for any damage done by anything that might come through the hole.

Oh, and here's why this post counts as an update. That tree branch from another angle:

Got all caught up in my clothesline. And hung there for a week because I was broken and Johnny never got home from work till after dark. It's down now, but my poor line got all stretched out. I couldn't untie the original knot so I just Gordian cut it, but that didn't leave me enough slack to re-tie.

Ah well. I was trying to decide whether I'd be hanging clothes out in the winter, anyway. I don't understand how they get dry if they freeze first -- do you have to bring them in to thaw and then hang them out again? I'm sure I wasn't going to be doing that. So I brought the pulleys in. Well, I brought the pulley in that was hanging from the house. The one up in the tree I left there. I'm going to trust it to still be there in the spring. At which point I will tie on a new rope.

And in the meantime, maybe I'll save some energy by draping socks and things over our newly-toasty-heaty-steamy-hissy radiators.

Contest! CONTEST!
Anyone want to take a stab at explaining the title? I'll write you a poem ... and see you in hell.


Leslie said...

OK this one I totally cheated on ala Google: "In that day the branch of the Lord will be beautiful and glorious."

All I keep thinking about is how when hurricane Isobel came through here a few years back, we were hoping that all the dead and even totally-loose-just-hanging-off-other-branches would come flying down and at least one of them would cause enough damage to justify getting us a new roof (on our old house, which really needed one), but nooooooo they all decided to land safely off to the side, dammit.

EGE said...

Yup. Isaiah 4:2. I had a whole bunch of phrases I liked better, but I chose this one specifically because it was google-able. The others just made me sound a little nuts.

So anybody want to go for runner-up? Quote me (with chapter and verse) one of the other phrases that I wanted to use.

Leslie said...

Well, since no one else wants to play...

Job 15:32
Before his time he will be paid in full, and his branches will not flourish.

Job 18:16
His roots dry up below and his branches wither above.

Isaiah 14:19
But you are cast out of your tomb like a rejected branch; you are covered with the slain, with those pierced by the sword, those who descend to the stones of the pit.

Jeremiah 11:16
The LORD called you a thriving olive tree with fruit beautiful in form. But with the roar of a mighty storm he will set it on fire, and its branches will be broken.

Ezekiel 19:12
But it was uprooted in fury and thrown to the ground. The east wind made it shrivel, it was stripped of its fruit; its strong branches withered and fire consumed them.

John 15:6
If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned.

Romans 11:17-18
If some of the branches have been broken off, and you, though a wild olive shoot, have been grafted in among the others and now share in the nourishing sap from the olive root, do not boast over those branches. If you do, consider this: You do not support the root, but the root supports you.

Romans 11:19
You will say then, "Branches were broken off so that I could be grafted in."

Romans 11:21
For if God did not spare the natural branches, he will not spare you either.

mommie dearest said...

I thought you were relating how Glorious you think your posterior is!

EGE said...

Wow, NONE of those are the ones I was thinking of, but they're all good! Especially that last one. Urgh.

I'll get to work on your super-duper verse ASAP

Braveheart said...

Book of Isaiah.