It's not about the house.

Friday, November 16, 2007

You Say Silk Purse, I Say Sow’s Ear

Last week or whenever it was – when I posted the pictures of the giant freaking tree that had come to rest on my beloved clothesline – someone came to this blog by searching Google for “how to make a curtain rod out of a tree branch.”

It struck me as funny at the time, because of course I was in the middle of the whole bathroom-dual-curtain-rod-buy-and-hang debacle. I actually considered trying something out, just for funny’s sake. To post a picture of and pretend it was what I had really decided to do.

But then I thought “Nah.”

I’m generally too lazy to do things that actually must happen, so why would I waste energy doing something that is totally unnecessary?

Well, if I thought it would make people really, really laugh, I might.

No, I’m not posting pictures of a tree branch as a curtain rod. First of all it’s really raining out and second, I’ve ruined Johnny’s paint job badly enough already, thank you. And I don’t think he knows it yet, and I don’t think he ever will. Because now that the rod is up and the curtain’s up, the window frame is hidden away behind it. With any luck, he won’t know I did it until we move out, at which point the one buyer we'll be lucky enough to find will want to knock $5000 off our asking price because of the bollixed paint job on the bathroom window, and Johnny will get all offended and tell them to feck off because he’s a professional, goddammit, and he does not do shoddy work! Hm. Maybe I should show it to him sooner than that after all…

Where was I? Oh right, gratuitous humor.

I had fun making picture-jokes for Khurston and Jen the other day. And since I find myself with an unexpected day off from work and nothing to do but avoid folding that pile of laundry in my bedroom, I thought it would be fun to make some more that would be a little bit less abbondanza.*

So let’s play a game.If you’re bored, too – and who isn’t? it’s Friday, and it’s raining (even if it’s not where you are, you can still pretend) – then leave a comment giving me something to work with. A couple random words. A link. A name. Or just say “Me, me, pick me!” And I’ll make something useless and funny out of as many as I can.

It could be about me, about my house or anything, or it could be about you. It could be totally random, or about the presidential election (which is not totally random, not at all). Say anything, and we’ll be off.

See?

If nobody plays, I’ll start picking people out of the comment-pile. Which is not a threat. Not at all.

But you may consider it a warning if you’re so inclined.


*I meant this in the “pizza for one” sort of way, but I just found out it means “abundance” in Italian. I thought Mama Celeste just made it up. So maybe I want these jokes to be a bit more abbondanza. Whatever. Just play.

7 comments:

Leslie said...

I dreamed last night that I was a military spy in WWII who had supernatural powers, and that I was this big hero but no one was allowed to know it.

(I really did dream this, by the way, along with several other very vivid odd dreams.)

jen said...

Firstly, I love Lloyd Dobler in a way that most people would never understand. If I could pick a second husband, it would be John Cusack. Like a fat kid love cake, I love this guy.
AND, I would have never told you this if it werent for Leslie, but I dreamed of GORGEOUS lakes and big boats and drunk guy trying to make out with me in a lagoon and my grandparents were there. Think Beach Blanket Bingo, insert me, and there you have it. WEIRD.

iloveupstate.com said...

Yay! Count me in. Umm. I'm a Masshole too. Originally from the Berkshires. There's a Midget Plumber on my blog today. That's all I got.

Courtney said...

Can I have one on travel tips?

Charlie said...

I was busy....
am I too late????
I wanna cool/funny picture!
soooooooo
1) zinc fingers
2) teeth
3) time
GO!

Charlie said...

Ooo Ooo Ooo
and....
Glee!

braveheart said...

Sorry mate, I was not near a 'puter this weekend. Can I get in on this?
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fish nets (stockings)