It's not about the house.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Day 33 (late), Project 13: Not Recommended

... Not while the machine's on spin cycle, anyway. Oh, it didn't fall -- but only just. Only just. (Please note how carefully I placed the iced coffee up on the shelf, though. Wouldn't want that spilling all over the floor. I might have to clean it up with, like, a mop or something...)

Also not recommended: questioning every step of the way a job that is spelled out in every how-to book and that your husband has been doing for (have I mentioned?) thirty years. Yes, you have to sand between the coats of varnish (why? because the second coat won't stick if you don't break the shiny surface of the first coat. I know because I asked.). And no, the scratches that you make when you sand it are not permanent (they'll get filled in and magically erased when you put on the second coat. I know because I did it. I mean, I asked about this one, too, but I didn't believe the answer until I saw it for myself).

(I would, however, like to interject here that -- that woodwork in the living room I was working on for (ahem) a couple years? -- I didn't sand that. I didn't know I had to until I was ready to put on the second coat of varnish, which was my final step after all that time, and when Johnny told me I had to sand I had a temper tantrum and refused. I know, that's so unlike me, but I guess I was possessed. Anyway, it seems to be sticking just fine. And I sincerely hope that, if it ever does fall off, it will at least have the decency to wait until we move away.)

Also not recommended: bending from the waist. Ever. But see, I have a bit of a back (me and everybody else on the entire planet) and sometimes, as bad as it is for you as a concept and in the immediate ow-now, sometimes it's just easier to bend from the waist rather than to have to get all the way down and then all the way back up again. (And when I say "bend from the waist" of course, what I mean is find something to hold on to and kind of lower yourself down. I can't actually bend from the waist. Good lord. What do you think I am, some sort of contortionist? Haven't been able to do a thing like that in donkey's years.)

So it's easier to "bend from the waist" than to get down and get back up again -- unless, when you bend from the waist to varnish the bottom part of the doorjamb, you get your hair caught on the underside of the windowsill...

... in which case you then have to get your bum to the floor from a bent-at-the-waist position before you can get untangled and back up again, none of which is really any fun at all.

Oh, and that little device on the floor at upper right? That's the little Sony Watchman. I laughed at Johnny when he brought it home (from the dustbin, naturally), but it's what got me through this final project. I watched The Daily Show, I watched Colbert, I watched Ellen, and then when Martha came on I realized that was some sort of sign from up above that I was finished, finished, finished with this Puritan project once and for all.

Unless I change my mind.

(This is the post I meant to do on Tuesday, but I got distracted. And then Wednesday was the fourth and I had a party to throw. And then yesterday, well, yesterday I've no excuse for. I just needed a day of not touching the computer...)

Day 33: Accomplished on time, even if posted two days late.
Time: Just over two hours.
Cost: Nothing.
Declaring Oneself A Newly Minted Puritan And Swearing To Work On One's House Every Single Day For More Than A Month: Not recommended.

No comments: