It's not about the house.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Junk Drawer In The Bedside Table...'s a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

Ergo, herewith, sans further ado...

Contents of same:

Spare pair of fabu sunglasses. Used to have five pair identical. Now down to the ones I wear and these. The style is called "Dottie."

White kid gloves that belonged to my grandmother. I have her hands, so I got all her gloves. (By which I mean my hands look like her hands: I don't have her hands. Yuck!)

This is not crack:

Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: my poor knife broke the other day. I tucked it away for safe keeping until I was sober enough to try to fix it. Haven't been able to find it since. So this is where I tucked it...

Because where else would you keep the picture-hangers...?

Hey! Sister-cat! Out of the way!

Girlie screwdriver is not a toy, Sister!

Nor is the skylight-crank!


This is the direct phone number to Dad's hospital room. Dad was discharged last October.

I don't know whose phone number this is, but I sure hope he had a pleasant evening.

Apparently I smoke in bed...

...and drink.

Is it okay to throw out the manual for the pulsating shower head if it has a little piece of soggy candy-cane stuck to it?

A tube of Arnica cream my Lady gave me when I fell down the F-O stairs...

...but why so many tubes of Bacitracin?

Expired in January:

Because the drawer wouldn't close if I left them in the box:

Bandaids are not a toy, Sister!

Here, Sister... this:

Yum yum.

Now, where were we? Oh yeah.

Because I do so much mending:

Hot balls are a good late-night snack.

But these I'm throwing out. They are dis gus ting.

Because you never know when you may have to jam...

... or deal a quickie hand of five-card stud.

A pile of assorted extra parts and hardware. Yes, that is a shower head. No, I don't remember how it got there. Or why.

Ooh, gotta keep this. It's the itty-bitty allen wrench in case the toilet roll falls off the wall.

Does this belong to anybody? Seriously, I found it in my car one night after a bunch of us went out to dinner. Sarah? Lisa? Wendy? Apollonia?

Pretty jewelry...

... but am I the only one who thinks this might be a lump of hash?

Aha! The missing button off my overalls! Now I can quit tying them with baling twine...

...but what do I need so many other buttons for?

And a whopping seven cents:

Actually, it's eight cents. I just thought "seven" sounded better. I'm writerly like that, but too integretous (a word I just made up?) to throw a coin out of the picture for the story's sake. Speaking of which...

I'm a writer, for crying out loud, and the thing I've got the least of in my drawer is writing implements? Two pens and a stubby scoring pencil. Good grief.

Okay three pens. But you better watch your back, Sister...

...even if I am thirty-eight years old and still keep a tube of Clearasil in my bedside table drawer:

At least my allergies haven't been so bad this year.

Et voilá! C'est finis!

Because really, where else would you keep the picture hangers?


Ladysot said...

Uh, how much of it did you actually clean out - as in throw away? Or, did you just tidy up ('cause we know how long that's gonna last...)? :)

Gracie said...

Unless she did not share the contents with Johnny, nothing got thrown away!

Georgetown House said...

I think this:

I tucked it away for safe keeping until I was sober enough to try to fix it.

and this:

...and drink.

Explains it all.

Or, as was our motto in college in the early 70's, never hide your stash while you're wasted.

Those are fabu sunglasses, btw.