It's not about the house.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Ode To Johnny's Toe

Sorry about the way the lines break -- it's Blogger's fault...

It was the twenty-sixth, another sleepy, Massachusetts day
We was waitin’ for the Kid, wastin’ our summer right away
And at supper time we got a call from friends who live right down the street
And Johnny hollered “leave a note, we’re gonna go and wet our feet”
He should have said “go break them,” cuz the first time he jumped off the ledge
His feet went up his nose – I’m talking arches all up in his bridge

And Prudence said to Johnny as he passed out from his blackeyed knees
"Well, you’ve never had a lick of sense. Now we’re off to Emergency."
"There’s a hundred people there before me – I just know there will be now"
And Johnny said "Besides, I’d much prefer to see my own doc, anyhow."
But nothin' ever comes to no good when I try to call the switch-
Board operator at the place where Johnny’s favorite doctor is.

Doc said the knee was only sprained, though he wanted x-rays of the toe
But we had to come back for 'em, the man who takes the pictures had gone home
Wasn’t I talkin’ to Appointment Lady on the telephone last night?
Didn’t I tell her he was broken? This is what, to me, did not seem right.
At any rate, he ain’t – all his tarsals and his metatarsals lived
They said it’s just “severely traumatized,” so now it fits right in.

Jeff thought it was the doctor I was mad at, which was not quite right
But he cooked me up a haiku, so I tip my many hats to him tonight.
That nice young painter, John, quoted a fellow-client from my agency
But when I tried to rhyme with Sartre, I realized there was no way it could be.
Someone made a drink joke that was funny, but I don’t know who it is.
(And, Robert, here’s the line ’bout throwing somethin' off the Tallahatchie Bridge)

Janice, my kiwi Nana, offered advice just like a Nana should
And she’s right, and I’ll try, but I don’t think I will ever be that good.
Hagrid made me laugh, he was very near the one that I chose for it
But I can’t chose an imposter: the real giant would never have said “sure’s shit”
So LadyScot’s the winner, for her distinctly Gaelic-hardened edge

Cuz sometimes I want to throw my husband off of the Fore River Bridge

Hey, I said you had to be careful with the Royal Consort. I love him, so I can say whatever I want…

Oh, and PS, just so's you don't think I was way overreacting about this all week: it wasn't really the toe. It was really the ball of the foot. But I didn't feel like making a bunch of ball jokes, and toe is just plain funnier.


jen said...

things I would like to know because its not in your about:
your "kiwi" nana; are you a New Zealander? Or just nana, or am I reading that wrong all together.
Johnny is like Ireland Irish, right?
I'm impatient, okay? SO all of this might be back a ways and I will get there!! But!! I need I need.
Your "agency"...So like are you published and is it anything I would be able to pick up somewhere? Or do you work at this agency?

EGE said...

1. My kiwi nana is someone I met on the internet. She is from New Zealand, but I am not. I have a link to her blog.

2. Yes, Johnny is Ireland Irish.

3. I am not published yet, but I am signed to this agency and am inches from finishing the book -- which my axtraordinarily fabulous agent will then sell for me. And THEN (the way I understand it, this could be years from now) you can pick it up somewhere...

I hope you find these answers hidden here. If you want, you can just email me!