It's not about the house.

Friday, August 3, 2007

The Pussy Posse

Johnny was over at Jimbo's last night again, still working on that room. Apparently it's in bits and he has to button the plaster down and everything -- isn't he a good neighbor? Well, yes he is, but that's not the reason why...

The old tenants in Jimbo's house -- the ones that just moved out and left the place a shambles -- were relatives of this other family in the neighborhood. Let's call them the Clampetts. While Clampett Jr. lived at Jimbo's, Clampett Sr. took to parking his car in the spot in front. Now that Jr. moved out, Sr. still parks there.

This is something of a pattern with the Clampetts. When we moved in, Nephew Clampett was parking in our spot. We'd sporadically ask him to move, but we had no success until Johnny's friend John B. (hoist up the sails) realized that he'd known Nephew in high school. They'd gotten in a fight, in fact, and John B. bit Nephew on the head. So the next time John B. was visiting and Nephew parked there, John B. went over and said hello. Haven't seen Nephew's truck in our spot since.

So Johnny happened to be over at Jimbo's when New Tenant asked the Clampetts not to park there anymore. Mrs. Clampett refused to move, shrieking "I've been parking here for forty years!" Not true. We've lived here for three and she only started parking there when her daughter lived there.

But the Clampetts called the family, and they all came over. And when Johnny came home to get some tools, they drove en masse and boxed in New Tenant's car with theirs. Five of them.

We heard shouting and we looked and realized what was happening. Neither of us really wanted Johnny to get involved -- I would not have sent him out there if it were happening at any other time -- but he'd just come from there, and he said he'd be right back. He couldn't very well abandon her just because trouble had started.

So he walked out with his bucket in his hand, walked right past the Clampetts, nodded hello, and went into the house. The Clampetts, leaving their cars where they were, went home.

Johnny sent New Tenant over to talk to me, so I could tell her what I knew about the Nephew situation. Flustered, I plum forgot to invite her in when she knocked on the door, and we both stood on the front step for a minute, chatting. When the Clampetts saw us standing there, they all came out and stood on their front step, arms crossed on chests, trying to stare us down.

We finished our conversation anyway, and she went home. About an hour later, Johnny came back again -- this time for a smoke. While he was here, the Clampetts went to claim their cars. You think it's a coincidence they make their moves when they believe he's gone home for the evening?

So he stubbed his cigarette and walked through them again. Nodded, said hello, and went back in Jimbo's house. Not starting trouble but trying to end it. Letting them know that there are ways to go about being neighborly to a single mother...

And calling out the pussy posse isn't one of them.

2 comments:

Ladyscot said...

Jeez, talk about the neighbors from hell! The poor lady is probably wishing she never moved in. Way to go, Johnny!

John said...

What a bunch of bastards.

I've always found that being painfully polite and feigning devotion to cult, voodoo spirit, or Satan often does the trick. The gang-bangers in our school left us the hell alone after we invited them to a Black Mass.